Forever Changed
by Mistaken-Miracles
Summary: When an old threat returns, the Gundam Pilots along with Preventers must work together in order to protect the fragile state of the world and Colonies. Can they push past misgivings to unite again for the greater good? Or have the ties that hold them together forever severed? They say love and trust can conquer all, but that may not always be true. Sequel to When The Tides Change.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

 _Summer, A.C. 205, Glastonbury, England_

A young man wanders through the streets of a run down district in the city. Bars and vendors of all types -some of which one wouldn't want to eat at- line the streets. Young people milling about as some venture from one location another. The stench of rain, booze, pot and food mingling in the air. He hears a woman's voice - a fortune teller calling to him from her booth. He's bored and she's a looker so he decides to get his Tarot cards read. She lures him into her tent and reads his cards. She deduces that he has suffered much in his short life, half of which he can't remember, and he yearns for a lost love who chased a spectre of her past, and succumbed to her own demons. She then charges him twenty pounds for the reading and offers him sex if he's willing to pay more. He declines, stating that he's never had to pay for sex.

He ambles into another bar, but not before stopping to purchases and take a mind-altering drug -acid- from someone standing just outside the bar. Stepping inside he surveys the room for possibilities, someone to give him a release he won't have to pay for. His eyes land on a slim, scantily-clad blonde, who on the dance floor. Her body swaying slowly and sensually while she sings along to the song. - _A song he knows all too well_.- Something in her graceful, fluid movements captures his attention, as their eyes lock for a moment. A memory of the woman he once loved surfaces.

The drug starts working overtime, enough for him to start walking towards her. He joins the mystery woman on the dance floor, the lights are low causing him to have trouble discerning her features, although from what he can see, she's pretty enough, and that's enough for him. She asks him to dance as a new song starts to play. It's not his favorite activity; he much prefers what dancing leads to, but he agrees anyway. They move together and in the low lighting and under the influence, they start getting handsy before leaving the bar together. Walking arm and arm through the streets, he notices she's wearing a crop top and short-shorts and black boots, her medium-length -fake- blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and he decides that in the moonlight, she looks even prettier.

She leads him to a motel, the same one he's staying at. Once inside, they start kissing and things quickly escalate. As they undress he thinks her body seems familiar, although he wonders if the drug is supplanting her true form in his mind - perhaps she's less attractive than he thinks, so his mind is conjuring up a familiar image to placate him into performing for her. But as they continue, he becomes convinced that he does, in fact, know her, and they have done this before.

They had already agreed not to exchange names, but the familiarity of her body is gnawing at his mind. But he looks in her face and decides he's never seen her before, but then he wonders what she must look like, under all her makeup. He suggests they shower together. She agrees and they head to the bathroom to shower. With the light illuminating them, he gets a better look at her, and after she's rinsed all the makeup from her face, he is convinced that she is, in fact, exactly who he suspected she was.

Which is impossible, because she's supposed to be dead.

His mind races, trying to piece together what's in front of him. He wonders just how powerful a drug he was given. Maybe it was laced with other things because clearly, he's hallucinating. In his panic he blurts _her_ name. The woman pauses before responding with a laugh, wondering what he's on, exactly, and if he has any more of it because, "If we're going to do this, I think I need to be on your level."

He tries to explain himself back in the room, but she questions why he keeps bringing up the name of a dead girl, and tells him she is only there to have fun. She tells him she's still down to keep going, even if he's clearly insane. He wonders why, if she thinks he's so crazy, she would want to sleep with him; she responds with a "why wouldn't I?" The spell is momentarily broken and he's back to being a lascivious guy, with a naked woman before him. He picks her up and carries to her to the bed, and proceeds to make love to her, all the while thanking all the deities he can think of for either giving him a second chance with the woman he lost, or finding him a convincing lookalike.

She offers to let him stay the night. That rule broken, he asks for her name, but she refuses. He asks if she'd care to see him again after tonight. She asks why he called her by the name of a dead woman again. -While they were making love.- He returns her question with one of his own. She stares at him, almost glaring at him with her light blue eyes. Eyes that should be a deep shade of blue. She tells him she's not this "Serena" girl and if he wants to fuck again he needs to stop calling her by that. He tries once last time for her name. This time she responds with just a simple answer. "Isabella." The drugs and booze take hold and he falls asleep in the woman's bed. He wakes to find her gone. Not even a single note left behind. The keys to the room laid out on the desk on the opposite side of the room.

Trowa looked around the room, remembering what had transpired the night before. A memory of what possibly could have been _her_. But Serena was dead. He had watched her die. Replaying the video over and over again in his mind until he had made himself sick. He didn't want to believe it, couldn't believe it, but in the end he had to accept the fact that she was gone. At the time it had felt like the universe was telling him it was never meant to be. That they had been doomed from the start and it was just mocking him for falling for a woman like her. That he could never truly have her. Her life had been stolen, - _their_ life stolen,- by the selfish act of twisted and deranged mind.

Trowa was put on a mandatory leave after. -Mainly due to his erratic behavior.- He was told to spend some time away from the city, to take a vacation. Clear his mind and have the time to grieve. But none of it mattered. It didn't matter how many times he tried to drown his own thoughts and feelings, she still haunted him. Just like the mysterious Isabella would.

* * *

 _A/N_

 _I'm back! :-D_

 _To those of you returning, welcome back! This is the sequel to TC and I hope you're all ready for a wild ride! For those of you who have not read_ When The Tides Change, _I recommend that you do or you may not fully understand what is going on in this story._

 _First and foremost, I want to thank Relena for President for this lovely prologue that she let me adapt to fit my sequel. I really cannot thank you enough!_

 _As you can see this story is going to be slightly different from TC. While I'm not going to give away too many secrets, I think I can at least say that I definitely dropped a bomb here... This story will include everything that TC had as well as flashbacks. There will be dates in this story and I make sure to clearly state when it's the present and when it is the past. This story will pick up right where TC left off. Chapters will be updated at random. Apologize to those who followed TC, and knew that I was working hard to post weekly updates. Unfortunately due to life lol, I cannot guarantee a weekly update for this story. As some of you may know, I have a daughter and my only free time currently is at night, in which I try to spend writing. If you wish to follow FC, go ahead and click that follow button! You'll get the email each and every time I update. (Unless FF has some weird issue and doesn't send them out!)_

 _Until next time! Which wont be too long. Chapter One will be on its way soon. ;)_

 _-MM_


	2. Reunion

**Chapter One**

Reunion

" _So tell me…"_

 _Trowa's breath caught in his throat. He'd recognize that voice anywhere. His eyes grew wide as he watched her slowly turn her head to look at him from over her shoulder._

" _Is Trowa Barton your_ real _name? Or just the name you go by?" Midnight blue eyes shone with amusement while the corners of her lips turning up._

 _Trowa slowly exhaled, relaxing his body as he took in the sight of her. A smile forming on his own lips. "Is Serena Lowell_ your _real name?"_

" _Touché." Serena said as she turned fully to face him. The sparkle still gleaming in her eyes as she smiled back at him._

* * *

It had been five long months since she had last seen him. She remembered the look in his eyes when they had said their goodbyes. Apprehension, but also understanding behind those emerald orbs. That had all changed when she had made the decision to send Kibou's into the satellite, along with herself. Fear had consumed him, and all she had felt was pain. She had cut him deeper than any knife could.

Trowa stood only a few feet away from her. The startled expression on his face slowly fading. His eyes softened as relief pooled into his green eyes. The corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly as his eyes roamed over her. She wasn't sure how his response was going to be, but overall, she was pleasantly surprised.

Without warning, Trowa was standing in front of her. His eyes darting down to her to her collarbone before lifting one of his hands to touch her cheek. His fingers lightly grazing the chain of her necklace. The one that held the teardrop pendant he had given her six months prior. His hand was warm and calloused. A feeling of familiarity wash over her as she allowed the feeling of his hand to seep into her. It had been such a long time since he had touched her. Too long since she had felt any spark of life within herself. Leaning into his touch, she felt the corner of her lips turn up.

"You cut your hair," he breathed. Like it was the most natural thing to say to her. Serena laughed lightly as her eyes slid closed. Of all the things he could've said to her, he choose to go with the one thing that had changed about her appearance.

"Does it bother you?" She asked with a mischievous note to her voice.

"No," came his quick reply. She felt him shift, her eyes flew open in time to see him drip his head, capturing her lips in a chaste kiss. His lips were just as she remembered. Not as soft as hers, but they held a warmth and passion of their own. Lips she had missed kissing not just her own, but the subtle way they'd trail over her skin.

It felt like time had stood still, even if it was only for a few short minutes. The two of them indulging in each other for the first time in months. It was blissful pleasure, along with a calming peace Serena had only felt with him. Trowa had always made her feel new and exciting things. Things she had never experienced before. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was breathing for the very first time. She was finally free.

When their lips parted, Serena wrapped her arms around his neck. Holding him close, but enough for her to look up into his emradle eyes. A smile graced her lips as Trowa pressed his forehead to hers.

"Where were you?" He asked softly. His eyes searching hers, as if he couldn't truly rely on what they were seeing. Or maybe he was searching for something else. Something Serena wasn't sure Trowa needed to see.

Closing her eyes, she tried to hide herself from his prying eyes. She knew the last five months were hard on everyone, especially for him and Heero.

She was still struggling with the guilt she felt over what had happened and what had transpired afterwards.

"I needed some time," she said slowly as she opened her eyes. Trowa pulled away, his eyes still searching, questioning her.

"Why didn't you contact us? We looked everywhere for you." A frown formed on his handsome face, as his eyes swam with heartache. Serena shook her head as she brought one of her palms to rest on his cheek. That look could tear her apart. She knew she needed to diffuse the pain she felt starting to swell in her chest. But she also knew that he deserved the truth.

"I was hurt pretty bad after I destroyed the satellite. I managed to get escape, but I couldn't come back… at least not right away." Serena hoped, if anything, that he didn't notice the slight twinge of sadness in her voice. She cursed herself mentally. Maybe she wasn't ready for this after all?

"You _should've_ called me, Serena. I would've came and got you, where ever you were." Her face fell into a sad smile. His own words laced with a heavy sadness of their own. Only he wasn't holding back on showing her how much he cared.

"It was better that you didn't know where I was. I needed to disappear for a while." Serena spoke as calmly as she could. She knew he was hurting, had been hurting because of what she had done. Trowa reached his hand up, gently placing it on the back of her head. Bring their foreheads back together.

"I could've helped you. I _promised_ you that you'd never be alone again." Trowa said with such conviction. The same conviction he had when he had first made that promise to her. Serena closed her eyes, fighting back the hot liquid forming behind her lashes.

"I know…" When she opened her eyes, a stray tear to fell down her cheek. "You have to trust in me that what I did was for the best. Even if I hurt everyone… hurt you."

Trowa pulled away, bring the hand he had placed on the back of her head to rest on her cheek. Thumbing away the tear. "I trust you," he said softly before bring his lips down to kiss her again.

Serena pulled away after a moment. Shaking her head, she knew it was time for her to leave, and the longer they stood there in his office, the harder it was going to be for her to hold herself together. Bringing her eyes up to his, she smiled softly at him. Even as her eyes held unshed tears.

"Is everything okay?" Trowa asked. Concern not only in his voice, but on his face as well.

"Everything's fine. I'm just happy to be back." She smiled at him as she dropped her arms from around his neck. "I wish I could stay longer, but I need to go for now."

Trowa stood straight. His eyes wild with a perplexed look. She chuckled as she watched his face change from concern to pure confusion. It reminded her of the time she had waited for him in his bedroom. After he had showered. The same shower he had _offered_ to share with her that morning.

"No, I'm not leaving like that, Barton." Serena's lips tugged up into a smirk. Slowly he relaxed.

"Then where _are_ you going?" Trowa's brow quirked up as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I have to go meet Sally," she said while smoothing out imaginary lines on her dress. "I guess I need to have a physical done before I can start working."

"Start working?" Trowa echoed with a confused look once again. But it was short lived. "You mean… you're working as a Preventer?"

"Une offered me a job," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Kind of hard to say no when you already planned on staying in the area." Serena eyes gleamed with amusement as she tilted her head up. Giving him a quick kiss before making her way towards the door.

"When will I see you again?" He blurted out just as she reached for the handle of the door. Turning slightly on her heel, she looked at him from over her shoulder.

"Later tonight."

"How about lunch?" Trowa asked quickly.

"Sorry, but I gotta crash a lunch date." The corners of her mouth turning up.

"Does Heero know about this?" Trowa lifted a brow at her, as if he was accusing _her_ of planning the whole thing.

"He's the one who planned it." Serena winked at him before turning back to open the door. She gave him one last look over her shoulder before closing the door behind her. She could hear him laughing through the now closed door, and she couldn't help the small smile forming in her lips. His laughter warming her. The same way only his kisses and touches could.

 _Maybe things won't be so bad._ She thought to herself as she made her way down the hallway. _Maybe now I can truly have the life I've always wanted._

* * *

Heero stood with his head down and arms crossed over his chest. Waiting outside of Sally's office for Serena. They were to head straight to the restaurant after her physical where Relena would be waiting for them. Heero hadn't spoken to Serena since he left her in Trowa's office earlier that morning. She had appeared to be more on edge than she had been the last two weeks. Something that made him feel uneasy about. He was tempted to pull the plug on her seeing Trowa all together, but she kept assuring him that she was capable of handling it. In the end, he had surrendered, not wanting to argue with her.

When he left Trowa's office to go meet him in the lobby, Serena had taken a few deep breaths, in an attempt to calm her nerves. At first he had a hard time understanding why she was so scared to see Trowa again. When he had first seen her, almost five months after not knowing if she was alive or not, the first words out of her mouth were about Trowa. Asking him about Trowa's injuries and if he was alright. He had explained to her that Trowa had survived and all that was left from the gunshot wound was a scar. Relief had washed over her face, even though it didn't last. Fear crept back into her eyes when she posed her next question.

" _He's… he's doing alright without me, right?"_

It was the one question he had been prepared for, until the words left her mouth. Heero had decided long before he had gone to see her that he wouldn't lie to her. He had promised himself that he would always tell her the truth. Because she _needed_ to be able to trust him. To know that he wouldn't sugar coat things just for her sake. The only problem he saw in his plan was when he saw the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She was scared to know the truth. To know exactly what kind of hell they had been through.

It was a reminder of how fragile she could be. With everything she had ever gone through in her life, she still had scars that could reopen. Wounds that would never completely heal. She was strong, maybe even stronger than he was, but it didn't mean that she didn't _feel_ things. Her concern over Trowa's wellbeing only proved to him further that she cared deeply for Trowa, so when he had left her in Trowa's office, he didn't understand until he shut the door. She was scared of how Trowa was going to respond to seeing her.

"Are you ready?" Heero's head shot up. Turning slightly to side, he found Serena standing with a hand on her hip. "Did you hear me?" She said with a tilt of her head. Something he noticed she did often. He wondered if it was something she used to do before. Something he hadn't really noticed until now.

"Yeah," Heero said as he cleared his throat.

"Then let's go," Serena said with a smile. Her heels clicking against the tile floor as she walked past him. Heero falling into step behind her. When he had picked her up that morning, he found it odd that she had dressed so _formal_. He was expecting her to be dressed in a shirts, pair of jeans and sneakers. Something she'd normally wear.

"I don't need to be escorted," she said from over her shoulder. Breaking through his thoughts once again.

"Hn," Heero nodded his head. "Old habit."

"You'll have to learn to break it, now won't you?" Heero met her eyes as they came to stand in front of the elevator. There was a glint of amusement in her eyes, but he could still see the darkness hiding behind her blue eyes. He knew she wouldn't talk, not here at least. He made a mental note to question her once they were alone. The last thing he wanted was as argument, which could very well happen, or for her to run off, away from whatever was bothering her.

* * *

Once they exited HQ, heading towards his Preventers issued SUV, Heero kept his thoughts to himself as they climbed into the vehicle. Serena hadn't spoken another word once they entered the elevator. He'd be lying to himself if he said he wasn't a little worried about her, but he wouldn't voice those concerns just yet. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she mechanically she put on her seatbelt. Her thoughts clearly elsewhere as she sat with her hands in her lap.

Without saying a single word, Heero secured his own seatbelt before turning over the engine. Putting the SUV into drive, he headed towards the exit of the parking garage before entering onto the main road. It would take approximately twenty minutes for them to reach the restaurant. Just enough time for him to figure out what was truly bothering her.

After several minutes of silence, Heero decided that Serena had had enough time to organize her own thoughts. "Are you going to tell me how everything went?"

"Why do you want to know so badly?" Serena countered back. Heero glanced at her from the corner of his eye. Her head was turned, eyes trained on city streets.

"Curiosity."

"Oh please," Serena turned her face towards him. "That's bullshit. You're not " _curious"_ , you just want to analyze me."

"You were nervous this morning, more so than you have been the last two weeks." He pointed out matter-of-factly. He could feel her eyes on him so he continued. "Was it as bad as you thought it would be?"

"No."

Pulling up to a red light, Heero turned his head to fully face her. A frown on her face as she looked back at him. "Then what's wrong?"

"Everything feels… different." Serena said slowly. Her eyes tightening ever so slightly, signaling to him that she needed some time to form her words. "I remember most of my life, but other things are still this blank space in my mind. What am I supposed to do if someone asks something and I can't answer them?"

Heero frowned as he turned his head back around. The light had changed to green and traffic was starting to move again. "We'll explain that you're going to need time and some things you may _never_ remember." As harsh as the words were, it was the truth. Reminding him of his vow to always tell her the truth, even if it was something he wasn't always comfortable with. Though there was a part of him that secretly was hoping she never remembered certain parts of her past.

"I just don't feel like myself." Serena said with a sigh.

"It takes time, Serena." He reassured her.

"That's what you keep telling me. But part of me feels like _something's_ missing. The memories," she waved a hand. Dismissing the notion. "I could live without them. I've retained my training and skills. That's enough."

"Hn." That was another fear he had. Serena was functioning as a normal person now. Or as normal as she was going to be. The chip had finally been removed _permanently_. It left a lot of unknowns, especially with her memory loss, but Heero was hoping Serena would be able to overcome any obstacles that may restrict her down the line. Sally knew all this before she even saw Serena. While a physical was standard procedure, Heero also asked for Sally to evaluate Serena's mental health. They needed to keep a close eye on how she was adjusting to everything. He made another mental note to call Sally about later on that day.

"How did your physical go?" Heero asked after a few moments.

"Good." Serena said. Heero caught sight of her moving. She raised her right while tightening her hand into a fist. "I'm only at eighty percent strength for my right arm. Though that's based on the tests Sally ran six months ago."

"You shouldn't have any problems getting your strength back to a hundred percent."

"That's what Sally said." Serena frowned as she lowered her arm. "My left arm is around eighty seven percent. Give or take."

"I'm sure your left hook will be just as damaging as it was before." Heero smirked when he heard Serena snort.

"Could always see if that's true."

"Relena would be _thrilled_ to find out we had another sparring match." Heero said dryly. Getting another chuckle from Serena. All too soon, the lighthearted moment was gone. Serena stopped laughing and talking all together.

Heero didn't want tiptoe around her. To make her feel uncomfortable being around him. What she needed was for everyone to treat her the same as before. Heero knew she had impacted all of them, and that they had all formed some type of bond with her. The friendships she had made needed to remain the same if she was going to fully recover. Although for himself, he had a new role to play in her life, and she had one to play in his.

Heero thoughts stopped straying as he saw the restaurant. Locating a spot only a half a block from the entrance, he eased the SUV along the curb before reversing to parallel park. Satisfied that they were fit snugged agastin the curb, Heero shut off the engine. Glancing at Serena, a frown formed on his face as he took her in nervousness. Her hands were twisting in her lap.

"If at any point you feel uncomfortable with the conversation at hand, just let me know." Heero said softly. Hoping it was ease her nerves. "I'll try to redirect Relena."

"It's okay," Serena said. "I'm sure she'll figure out something off about me." Heero could only frown at her words. "It's fine. _I'm_ fine." Serena amended. "I just need to get past seeing everyone again and having to explain everything. Once that's over with, I won't have anything to really worry about."

"Hn." Heero let the subject go. True, it was just a matter of having to repeat the same story over and over again, but Heero knew that wasn't something Serena was too keen on. With that in mind, he set up an email that would be sent to a select few, informing them of Serena's return. Serena was going to give him hell for it, but at least she didn't have to tell each and every one of them what had happened. Not in detail at least.

Although she'd have to tell Trowa herself. Which could've been another cause for her distress earlier that morning. Heero felt it was only right that _she_ be the one to tell Trowa. To be able to be open and honest with him about what had transpired. In return, Heero promised to tell Relena everything. Although he wished Trowa and Serena had never started a relationship in the first place, he was trying to be respectful in the aspect of Serena's feelings. She needed someone she trusted enough to confide in.

"Ready?" Heero asked after it seemed like Serena had finally stopped fidgeting in her seat.

"Yeah," Serena said before she raised harden eyes to his. "She's not going to scream is she?" Heero could only raise a brow at her. There was always a possibility Relena could overreact to seeing her.

"Maybe."

"We're going to be a spectacle." Serena grumbled as she reached for the door handle.

"Already are…" Heero mumbled as he opened his door. Serena shooting him a questioning look. But he didn't offer her any explanation as he slipped out of the vehicle. Serena huffed before following suit. Heero took a deep breath before moving around the SUV. At some point, Serena was going to ask him what the comment had been about, but then again, she was about to find out for herself first hand. As he exhaled, he knew he was sealing his fate. Lunch was going to be interesting, no matter how discret they tried to be.

* * *

 _A/N_

 _Happy Saturday/Sunday Funday Eve!_

 _I'm happy to be back and to bring you guys the first chapter! We got a little look into what happened to Serena, though I'm sure a lot of you wondering what else happened. No worries! That'll be in the next chapter along with the big news Heero and Relena have for her! :-D hehe. Things have changed since Serena disappeared and let's hope Serena can handle some of these changes, as well as learn to handle her own feelings and the loss of what she believes to be memories. I would also like to quickly point out that I still suck at keeping chapters short... lol ALTHOUGH, my goal is to keep each chapter under 4k, because obviously 3k is just too hard for me to do._

 _Until next time!_

 _-MM_


	3. Three's a Crowd

**Chapter Two**

Three's a Crowd

Heero and Serena walked side by side as they made their way towards the restaurant. When they reached the door, Heero moved around her, reaching for the door handle. Serena sent him a questioning look as she came to stand in front of him. Heero only gestured with his hand for her enter first. Serena tried to not to roll her eyes as she walked through the doorway. She wasn't used to him going out of his way to be nice towards her. Although it could've been because they were in public, but then again Heero had always been the courteous type. It could've been merely out of habit. He had done the same thing when they were at the spaceport two weeks earlier.

Once Serena was inside the restaurant, she felt Heero behind her. She wanted to say something to him, about how she didn't need a guard when she felt him place a hand on her back, steering her off to the side where the hostess was standing behind a small counter.

"Good afternoon," the woman greeted with a smile. "Table for two?"

"Good afternoon," Heero said. "No, we're here to meet Ms. Darlian."

"Oh." The woman looked wided eye at Heero and Serena for a moment before schooling her features. "I'm sorry, but we don't have-" Heero didn't let the woman finish as he pulled out his Preventer's badge. "Oh! Mr. Yuy!" The woman blushed. "My apologies. Please, right this way."

"Thank you," Heero said before placing his hand on the small of Serena's back again.

"They know you by name?" Serena asked quietly as the hostess lead them through the restaurant. Serena knew it was impossible that the woman could've read Heero's name on his ID badge. He had only let her see it long enough it to confirm he was an agent with Preventers.

"Yeah." Heero said. The hint of annoyance in his voice not going unnoticed.

"Oh." Serena frowned, but dropped the subject. Something about it didn't seem right. It wasn't like his name wasn't unknown, but Serena knew that Heero kept his personal life private. Most, if not almost all of the general population wouldn't know who he was. They only knew of the politician whose name he had taken. The only thing Serena could come up with was that Relena had informed the staff that Heero would be dining with her, but even then, Heero wouldn't want her using his name, would he?

Serena's thoughts were interrupted when Heero sent her a look before moving to walk in front of her. Blocking her from view. Even with her heels on, Serena was closer in height to Heero. But she stayed far enough back that Relena wouldn't see her as they approached the table. Heero even went as far as to shove his hands into his pockets. In an attempt to broaden his shoulders to cover her better. Serena wondered briefly if it really made a difference. She was roughly the same size as Relena, and she had seen how Heero could cover Relena's entire body with his own. Then again, this was his idea not hers.

Sighing inwardly, Serena glanced around the restaurant. She noticed odd looks they were receiving. For the most part, those dining continue to eat or talk amongst themselves, but Serena couldn't help but feel some of the other patrons eyes linger on them as they passed by. She wondered if it had anything to do with the comment Heero made in the car, or the fact that the hostess knew his name.

Serena tried to listen to those closest to them, but there were too many voices to clearly hear what was being said. She knew she heard a few people question who she was, or why she was with Heero, which only made her question Heero's comment even more. Why would these people be interested in knowing who she was or why she was with Heero? It started to make her become more uncomfortable. She hated the attention, even when she was with ROE. Everyone always looking at her, talking about her, it was something she was used to, but it didn't mean she enjoyed it.

When the hostess stopped and gestured to the table that Relena was seated at, Serena cleared her head of all thoughts on the past and how uncomfortable she was feeling. She needed to put on a brave face and pretend as though this lunch was nothing more than a lunch between old friends. She had a enough time to calm herself as Heero took the last few steps towards Relena. The bright smile she always wore for him shining as she moved to stand.

"Heero, I was wondering…" Relena started to say when Heero stepped to the side. "Oh my god..." Relena's hand flew up to her mouth. "Serena!?"

Serena took a deep breath as her eyes met ocean blue. The surprised look on Relena's face only lasted a few seconds before Relena squealed and darted to hug her. Serena noticed instantly that the other patrons in the restaurant had stopped whatever they were doing to stare at them. The uneasy feelings she was having on the ride over resurfacing as Relena clung to her like she was a lifeline.

"I can't believe it's really you!" Relena's voice rose another octave as she spoke.

"Hello, Relena." Serena said as best she could while the other woman continued to squeeze her. She was also more aware of how fast her heart was beating, or was that from lack or air?

"Relena," Heero said with a hint of amusement. "Serena can't breath."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Relena said as she pulled away. "I'm just-"

"It's okay." Serena smiled softly at her. "I understand." Relena blushed as she took ahold of her hands. Serena reminded herself that Relena was just excited to see her, and that she herself needed to be happy. Regardless of every other thought swirling about in her head, she was truly happy to see Relena.

"It's so good to see you, Serena." Relena beamed that bright smile of hers. One she had seen millions of times, but it never ceased to amaze her.

"It's good to see you as well," Serena nodded her head. "Why don't we sit?"

"Of course!" Relena said. "I think we should celebrate with a glass of wine."

"It's only noon, Relena" Heero said as he pulled Relena's chair out for her. "Not to mention you have a meeting at two-thirty."

"Oh don't give me that," Relena waved her hand at him as she sat back down. "Serena's back and we're going to celebrate. Besides one glass won't hurt us."

"Says the woman who claims to have had only _one_ glass, three glasses later."

Serena stared wide eyed at them as they continued to banter back and forth. Relena rolling her eyes at Heero while making a comment about how he could polish off a bottle himself. Heero pointing out some irrelevant remark, and before Serena could follow their discussion any further, the topic was dropped. She couldn't help but wonder if Heero had always been this way with Relena, or if it was something new. He appeared to be relaxed, even as his eyes scanned the room. The smallest smile on his face that most wouldn't notice unless they knew him.

When Heero ordered them each a glass of red wine, Serena was starting to become convinced that Heero had changed drastically in the last five months. Him of all people would never agree to drinking this early and especially if he was working. She couldn't wrap her head around everything. Things had changed, she knew that, but the Heero she had been spending the last month with was not the same Heero she knew prior to everything. Even before she had met him in person. There were subtle changes, but she knew him like the back of her hand. For the most part at least. Certain characteristics she knew very well, but his personality change was something knew.

Deciding to ignore her thoughts, Serena picked up her menu to browse. She wasn't feeling particularly hungry, so she settled for a house salad with grilled chicken on top. She figured if anything, Heero wouldn't comment about her lack of eating if he thought she was just eating a light lunch. Only if it worked out in her favor. The frown Heero sent her after she had informed their waiter, told her that her ruse wasn't fooling him. He had been on her about how she needed to eat better since they came back to Earth. It wasn't her fault, her body was still healing and adjusting to being " _normal."_

Relena opted for the same meal as herself, while Heero ordered one of their lunch specials. Relena had always been a fan of salads for lunch, which didn't surprise Serena. Relena ate a healthy diet, even when she'd cheat and order take-out, she always made sure to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, along with meats and whole grains. She also worked out regularly.

Once the waiter left to place their orders, Relena leaned in closer to Heero. Serena saw the slight shift in Heero's arm as he moved it underneath the table. Ignoring what the two might be doing, Serena picked up her glass of wine, taking a small sip from it.

"Serena," Relena started with a smile on her face. "How long have you been back?"

"Not long." Serena said as she placed her glass back down on the table.

"If you're anything like Heero, that could mean a week to even a few months." Relena's brow quirked up. "Regardless, it's wonderful to have you back. Will you be staying permanently? Or are you just visiting?"

"I was planning on staying." Serena said. "Une offered me a position with Preventers."

"Really!?" Relena's smile widen, while her eyes softened. "That's wonderful, congratulations. I think you'll be a perfect addition to the organization."

"Thank you." Serena allowed a small smile to grace her lips. While she was happy to finally have a job, -one that didn't involve her fighting for all the wrong reasons,- but one that would allow her to find her purpose in life. "Has anything new happened since I've been gone?"

Relena glanced to Heero. Some unspoken message passing through their eyes. "Actually yes," Relena said as she brought her attention back to Serena. "Heero and I got engaged."

Serena felt her eyes goes wide as she looked between the two of them, then glancing down to Relena's left hand that was resting on the table. _They really are engaged!?_ She thought as she stared at the diamond on Relena's ring finger. _When the hell did that happen!? I thought he didn't-_ Serena cut her own thoughts short as she turned her attention to Heero.

"You're engaged!?" Serena hissed at him. "Don't you think that would've been information offered up _before_ I saw her!?"

"I figured Relena would want to tell you." Heero shrugged nonchalantly.

"You should've told me." Serena said in a warning tone as she plastered a fake smile on her face, hoping Relena wouldn't read between the lines.

"Wasn't my place."

"Bullshit. You told me-"

Relena glanced between them. They had fallen back into their old habit of keeping their conversations from prying ears. Even though she had a feeling she knew what they were discussing. Clearing her throat, Relena regained their attention. "English, remember?"

"Right, sorry." Serena said as she straightened herself in her seat. "Congratulations. That's wonderful news." Serena smiled at Relena. But not before sending a glare in Heero's direction.

"Thank you." Relena smiled back while simultaneously kicking Heero in the leg. It was obvious Heero hadn't told Serena. "I was thinking, if it isn't too much, would you be willing to be apart of our wedding?"

Both of Serena's brows shot up. She looked to Heero for help, but it seemed Heero was reacting the same way as she was. Shocked. "Um, I don't know… I have no knowledge of what a wedding initials." Serena shook her head. "I went to one, once…" Her face falling into a frown. It was a blurry memory at best, but she remembered some type of ceremony had occurred.

"That's alright." Relena reached a hand out, placing it on top of Serena's. "We're not going to do anything big, per Heero's request. It'll be simple, but I'll still need help with some things. Also," Relena smiled softly at her. "I think you should be apart of it. You and Heero are _family_ after all."

Serena felt anything but apart of his " _family."_ She had no right, nor did he ever have a say in the matter.

"I think it's a good idea." Heero said before taking a sip of his drink. "You should be apart of it." Serena could only gape at him.

"Then it's settled. You'll be apart of our wedding." Relena smiled brightly at her. Serena questioned whether this was Heero's way of getting back at her for something. -Probably everything she had ever done to him.- Or he genuinely wanted her to be apart of it.

* * *

Lunch had been interesting to say the least. After the whole engagement and wedding conversation had ended, the three had fallen into more safer topics. Mostly about what Relena had been working on. Serena's goal was to keep the conversation away from any questions about where she had been or what had happened after the satellite, but she found that she didn't need to divert the conversation at all. Something that made it easier, but also made her question if Relena knew something was different about her. She had pushed the uneasy feelings aside and tried to just enjoy the time she was spending with Relena.

After they had finished eating and Heero refusing to allow her to pay for their lunch, they had gone their separate ways. Heero informed Relena that he would be driving back to Preventers before heading over to her office before her meeting. To Serena's utter surprise, Heero had kissed Relena on the cheek as he helped her into her waiting town car. Serena had only been able to see it due to the fact she was standing off to the side of the door. He had still kept it brief, but he had also concealed it from onlookers.

Another thing she added to her list of "what's changed about Heero."

Serena said her goodbyes to Relena before shutting the car door. Once Relena's town car pulled away from the curb, Heero and Serena made their way back to his SUV. After they had settled themself back into the vehicle, Serena turned to face him.

"Is there anything else you wish to tell me?"

"What do you mean?" Heero countered back.

"You didn't tell me that you were engaged." Serena pointed a finger at him. "Is that why people were staring at us!?"

"Kind of." Heero admitted as he turned on the car. "Relena and I had to go public after we were spotted shopping for her engagement ring."

"Come again?" Serena asked with her brow arched. Heero sighed loudly as he put the SUV into drive.

"A reporter for one of those tabloids followed us to the store where we got her ring. The girl took pictures and confronted us as we left. After that we decided it was best to just come out publicly about our relationship."

"Are you crazy?"

"No." Heero said bitterly. "But I didn't see what other choice we had. People would suspect something when they saw the ring anyway."

"And what happened to always being discreet?" Serena questioned. "You sure weren't discreet at lunch." Serena said matter-of-factly.

"We still are. But at least we've solved the "great mystery of who Relena Darlian has been seeing.'" Heero said dryly.

"Ha-ha, that's the joke of the century." Serena rolled her eyes at him before turning to face the windshield. "All jokes aside, it would've been nice if you told me."

"I'm sorry." Heero said, causing Serena to swing her head back towards him. "I know I should've told you, but I also know how excited Relena was when she told Hilde. I figured she'd want to tell you herself."

Serena hadn't thought about that aspect, but Heero seemed to be sorry, so she let it go. "It's fine." Turning her head back, she thought about some other things that had been bothering her. Heero had been acting differently. Some of it was because of her. She wasn't completely blind to the change in his demeanor. She figured some of it also probably had to do with him and Relena coming out as a couple, which she could only imagine had been stressing him, but she knew there was something else going on. Something he wasn't telling her.

"Heero?" Serena said after a few minutes.

"Hm?"

"What happened after I left?"

"What do you mean? I've already told you-"

"No you haven't." Serena cut him off. "You've told me bits and pieces, but there's something you're not telling me." Serena turned her head to face him. "You practically have me under lock and key and you freak out whenever I don't answer my phone."

"That's not true." Heero glanced at her from the corner of his eye. The deep frown on her face telling him otherwise. Sighing, he knew when to give up. "It's for your safety."

"Heero, I can take care of myself."

"I know, but until Edwards is found and behind bars, I'm not taking any chances."

"So what are you going to do when I go on assignment? Hm?" Serena raised a brow at him. "Tell Une I can't go because I won't have my _babysitter_ with me?"

"That's different." Heero growled out. "And you know that."

"Then what aren't you telling me?" Serena asked hotly.

Heero ignored her as he pulled into the Preventers parking garage. He knew this conversation was coming, but he wanted to wait till after Serena was officially assigned to the case. Even if he didn't want her apart of it, he knew they needed her help. Parking in his SUV, Heero turned off the engine before turning to fully face Serena. Her face was hard, eyes tight as she glared him. It still surprised him from time to time when she'd look at him like that. An almost perfect mirror image of himself.

"We were able to arrest a few members from ROE. None of high ranking from what we can tell, but-" Heero paused thinking over his words. "We also arrested Gates."

"What?" Serena's eyes widened.

"With you identifying him as a member of ROE, we were able to locate him after we returned to Earth. Unfortunately he wouldn't give up any information, nor would he implicate anyone. He, like Watson, committed suicide after we had interrogated him. The only information we have is what you offered up to us. There's also the matter of the members we were able to take into custody."

"What do you mean?" Serena asked. "How many were you able to arrest?"

"Quatre's team on L4 managed to get five of them before they tried to flee the Colony. It doesn't help the case much. But they were only tried for illegal activities." Serena's frown deepened as she listened to him.

"So you guys have nothing." Serena stated.

"Pretty much." Heero nodded his head. Serena sighed as she leaned her head against the headrest of her seat. "You're also being assigned to the case." Heero said.

"Do you think that's a wise idea?" Serena eyed him from the corner of her eye.

"Yes and no." Heero sighed as he ranked a hand through his hair. "Une thought it would be best to bring you on once you were officially employed. While I agree with her on some points, bringing you in might jeopardize your safety. If Edwards is still alive and looking for revenge, it wouldn't be long before word got out that you were working for us and looking for him."

"I'd go looking for him either way, so what's the difference." Heero turned his face towards her. The darkness that had consumed eyes whenever they talked about Edwards had returned.

"That's what I'm worried about. I don't want you doing something stupid and getting yourself killed."

"I won't." Serena said coldly. "But I want to be the one to bring him down. I fucked up twice, and I won't let it happen a third time."

"You can't kill him." Heero watched as her face darkened. "Serena, there's rules that we need to follow, regardless if we agree with them or not." When Serena didn't say anything after a few moments, Heero reached a hand out to her. Touching her arm lightly. "Serena, I promised you that I'd never let him come near you again, but I need you to promise me that you won't run off the first chance you get to confront him yourself."

"It's not that." Serena said shaking her head. Heero had a feeling she had slipped back into some memory. "It's the fact only five more members have been arrested. Why weren't more taken into custody?"

"Their operation was almost flawless. There was a plan for almost every situation, but the one thing they never planned for was you turning on them." Heero smirked at her. "They also probably didn't plan on Quatre sending some agents out to check on things. We should be grateful we got the five that we did."

"It's still not enough." Serena countered.

"I know, but it's a start." Heero pulled his hand away when Serena seemed to come back to herself. "Let's go inside. We can talk more about this another time." Serena nodded her head before moving to open her door. "Oh and one last thing," Heero said as he mimicked her movements. "I sent an email to everyone informing them of your return."

"You what!?" Serena yelled.

Heero shut his door before quickly making his way towards the side door that would take them into HQ. Serena cursing at him with every step he took. There was no way in hell he'd let her see the small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Or he might find out if her left hook was still a knockout.

* * *

 _A/N_

 _Happy Sunday Funday!_

 _I'm sorry it's taken so long to get the second chapter up. Like I've already said, life's a little crazy right now. I'm still fully committed to working on this story, but updates will still be random. Maybe once summer comes I'll have more time to sit down and write. Hope everyone is doing good! I'm just gonna keep this short so I can go back to working on the third chapter :-D!_

 _Until next time._

 _-MM_


	4. Afternoon Delight

**Chapter Three**

Afternoon Delight

Life had been surreal the moment his eyes landed on her. In the blink of an eye Serena had walked into his life, and had departed just as quickly. For months he struggled trying to understand how someone could affect him the way she had. She had unknowingly left an indentation of herself on him. One he'd never be able to rid himself of. She consumed his thoughts and even his dreams. She was a drug. One he needed like air.

Everything seemed to vanish as she stood in front of him. As if the last five months had never occurred. The pain he felt when she had said goodbye to him. The pain he felt knowing his heart was being torn apart when he learned she was missing and everything else he had ever felt not knowing if she was alive or dead. For the first time in five months, he felt like he was breathing again for the first time. Serena was back, and nothing else mattered but her. He vowed in that moment that this time, he wouldn't let her go. She was special, someone worth holding onto and he'd do everything within his power to never let her walk out of his life.

Trowa didn't know what had happened or where she was, but it was easy to see that she feeling remorse for whatever had happened while she was away. The sad smile she wore. The tears gathered in her eyes. She wasn't fooling him, he could see the hurt behind her midnight blue eyes. He understood that sometimes people needed time to deal with certain things. Even if it's in their own way. But he couldn't help the stab of pain he felt in his chest at knowing she hadn't come to him for help. That she choose to keep him in the dark.

He would've done anything for her, without so much as a second thought. He loved her, plain and simple. He didn't need a reason for his actions, and he had slowly realized that this is what it meant to be truly in love. He had gone off with Heero to try and save her, to stop her from doing something reckless. Even though in the end, he still hadn't been able to stop her, he didn't regret his decision to go. At least he had gotten to see her before she gone off into battle.

But none of it matter now. They could start over. Make a life for themselves. A life together.

* * *

Once Serena left his office and when he had collected himself enough, Trowa went straight to Une's office to ask for permission to leave early. To his surprise, she hadn't even let him finish before agreeing to let him leave. Only telling him to finish up whatever else was due for the day before he could head out. Trowa had a sinking suspicion that Une knew ahead of time that he'd be looking to leave early. But he wasn't about to question her and lose his chance to leave early.

Deciding to skip lunch in order to finish up his reports, Trowa checked the time on his watch after he finished sending his last report for the day. It was close to two o'clock, and he was surprised to note that it had only taken him two hours to finish up his work. He had figured he'd be done around three at the very least, but it was just one more thing he had no intention of complaining about.

Shutting down his computer, Trowa gathered his things and made for the door. He figured he would find Serena somewhere within the building. Or at least he hoped he'd find her. Chances were, if she had returned with Heero, she had either gone to visit someone or was staying in Heero's office.

As soon as he walked into the hallway, he caught a glimpse of Heero and Serena standing outside of his office talking. Trowa couldn't help but smile. Today really was turning out to be his lucky day. Then he spotted someone running from the opposite direction towards them.

"Holy shit! Rena!?" Duo yelled as he ran towards Heero and Serena. "Is that really you!?"

Serena turned herself to face Duo. A smile on her face right as Duo scooped her up, hugging her tightly to himself and spinning them both around in a circle. When Duo finally put her back down, he hugged her one last time before planting a kiss on her cheek.

Trowa watched everything play out in front of him while making his way towards the group. He was close enough to hear Heero growl from behind Duo. But what he noticed the most was the shocked expression on Serena's face, right before she bursted into laughter. Duo turned his head towards Heero, a huge grin plastered on his face while Heero glared at him.

"It's nice to see you too, Duo." Serena said once she had calmed herself.

"Glad to see you're back! You look great!" Duo said. Serena chuckled again as she saw Heero's eye narrow at Duo.

"Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself." She winked at him. Feeling someone behind her, she turned her head slightly. The smile on her face growing as she locked eyes with Trowa.

"How did your lunch?" Trowa asked as he came to stand next to Serena.

Heero and Serena exchanged looks with each other as they answered in unison. "Good."

Trowa lifted a brow as he looked between the two. "Was Relena happy to see you?"

"Yes." They said together.

"Okay, now that's just creepy." Duo shivered, "seriously, do you guys have twin telepathy or something?" Heero and Serena narrowed their eyes at him.

"No," they said again.

"Yeah, just keeping telling yourselves that." Heero and Serena both rolled their eyes before Serena turned her attention to Trowa.

"Are you done for the day?" She asked, tilting her head towards the jacket he had slung over his shoulder. Trowa smiled as he nodded his head.

"Yeah." Serena saw the twinkle in his eyes as he moved to stand closer to her. "Care to join me for the rest of the day?"

Serena regarded him for a moment before looking to Heero. "Think you can let me off the hook for a day?"

"Do you have your phone?" Heero asked as he glanced at Trowa. Serena scuffed at him as she pulled her phone out of the small clutch she was carrying.

"Right here," she said with a tinge of annoyance. Heero nodded.

"Have fun then," Turning to Trowa. "Take care of her."

Trowa didn't know what had said other than Serena had showed Heero her phone. Whatever it was, he could ask her later. With a nod to Heero the two said their goodbyes before making their way to the elevator.

Once Trowa and Serena disappeared from view, Duo let out a low whistle. "Playing that card with her already?" Duo held his hands behind his head as he turned to face Heero. "Really man? I'm pretty sure she can handle herself and besides, Barton ain't gonna let anything happen to her."

Heero grunted something under his breath while turning on his heel. "We have an agreement if you must know."

Duo shook his head as he watched Heero walk back to his office. "Watch out or you'll turn into Zechs when it comes to Serena."

"I heard that." Heero tossed over his shoulder before he shut the door behind him.

* * *

Trowa drove them back to his apartment in record time. It wasn't a long drive, around fifteen minutes on a good day, he was pretty sure that he had gotten them back in about eight minutes. While he wasn't one to speed, unless absolutely necessary, he knew his excitement was showing when Serena looked at him when they pulled into the parking lot. Her brow quirked in amusement.

"Apparently you can't seem to get me back fast enough."

Trowa smirked as he grabbed her hand pulling her towards him. He crushed his lips to hers in a heated kiss. Pulling back he watched as her dark lashes slowly opened to reveal the midnight blue eyes that had been haunting his dreams. "No, now why don't we take this inside?"

Serena's own smirk growing on her lips was all he needed.

The heated kiss in the car was just the beginning. Trowa couldn't help himself as they made their way to the apartment. Taking the elevator instead of the stairs, Trowa cornered her, kissing her deeply while his hands roamed over the material of her dress. When they arrived on his floor, he pulled her along without breaking their kiss. Fumbling down the hallway, Trowa tried to keep not just his balance but their bodies together as they walked. Tripping slightly as they neared the door to the apartment. Serena laughed as she buried her face into his chest.

"We're like two teenagers!"

Trowa smiled as he leaned them against the wall just outside of the door. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm himself. There was no reason for them to rush. They could spend the rest of the day lazing about in bed. But his body and mind were doing anything but agreeing with each other. It didn't help that Serena had slipped her hand into his pocket, pulling his keys out. His mouth finding hers again as she unlocked the door.

Once they had made it into the bedroom, Trowa told her that he would be controlling how their lovemaking went. While he enjoyed it when she took control, he wanted to shower her with affection while selfishly relishing his own need to trace every inch of her body again.

Her body was still perfection in his eyes. Even the new scars that adorned her skin. They told a story, one he was hoping she'd share, but he wasn't in a hurry. And neither was she. He traced his fingers, hands and mouth over every surface of her. Drinking in everything that was her. As he looked down at her, she was everything he ever wanted and this time he wouldn't let her go. Dipping his head back down he captured her lips in a passionate kiss, he joined them together for the first time in five months.

Trowa wanted to show her how much she meant to him and how much he had missed her. Their lovemaking was filled with passion as they worked through the familiar motions. He missed the way her body fit perfectly against his as she raised her hips to meet his. The way she had always said his name when pleasure washed over her. Even when her nails dug into him, leaving long scratches down his back. He had missed it all.

No one would ever be her. No one _could_ ever her.

Laying together in his bed, Trowa pulled Serena closer to him. Breathing her in, he could still smell her perfume still lingering on her skin. The floral scent mixed with a hint of something sweet reminded him of their first date. It was the same perfume she had worn that night. A night he'd never forget.

Their breathing still labored from their excursion. Serena rested her head on his shoulder while her arm laid over his chest.

"I've missed you." He breathed.

"I've missed you." Serena echoed. Trowa lifted his hand, stroking the contours of her cheek. His eyes searching hers, for what he wasn't sure.

She was different. Guarded. It reminded him of when they had first met. She watched him and in return, he watched her. While he had been more open to interaction, Serena had always held back on some level. Even at the end when she had said goodbye to him.

He had questioned why she had done it, but the answer was never clear. He had guessed part of it was due to the chip, -which he hoped was gone for good this time,- and some of it had to do with her interactions with others. But she wasn't always guarded, there were times where she'd let herself be vulnerable around others. Little hints into what she was feeling or thinking at any given moment. It was one of the reasons why everyone had been accepting of her. She had shown them kindness and understanding for each of their differences, along with respect. While from the outside, most would view her as being definite, especially when it came to Heero, but not once had Serena done anything to jeopardize anyone's safety.

Unless he counted her running off to destroy a whole organization by herself. But then again, she was acting on the premise that she was doing everything she could to protect those she cared about.

"You're staring at me." Serena spoke softly as she untangling herself from him. Shifting to the edge of the bed. Her legs dangle off the side.

"Hard not to when I haven't seen you in so long." Trowa pushed himself up onto his forearm.

"You're looking at me like I'm some mystical creature." Serena lifted a brow. "Trowa, I'm not a figment of your imagination. There's no reason why you should be acting as such."

"Serena," Trowa started to say as he sat up, running a hand through his bangs. "I'm trying _not_ make this awkward between us. For your sake and mine."

"It's a little late for that." Serena smirked at his confused look. "We already slept together. _Again._ "

"That's not-"

"Don't. There's no need to explain yourself." She waved a hand in the air. "Besides, you're hungry. Come, I'll make you something to eat."

Trowa opened his mouth to say something when his stomach decided to speak for him. Food had been the last thing on his mind, and if he was being honest with himself, he was still craving her.

Serena stood from the bed, looking around on the floor for her clothes. There was only one problem. Their clothes had been removed long before they had even made it into the bedroom.

"I should've grabbed my clothes from the hotel." Serena murmured under her breath. The dress she had worn was fine, but she had been looking forward to changing into something more comfortable.

"You're clothes are still in the dresser." Trowa said as he met her questioning eyes. "I kept everything as you left it."

"Why?" Serena stared at him.

"In hopes you'd come back." Trowa's eyes followed her as she slowly walked over to the dresser. Opening the top left draw, she pulled out a pair of underwear. Shutting the draw, she moved to open the second draw on the left side, her hand hovering over her t-shirts. After a moment she closed the draw, moving to his t-shirt draw instead. Trowa couldn't help the small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth as she pulled the shirt over her head.

"You didn't have to keep them."

"What else was I supposed to do?"

"Get rid of them?" Serena shrugged as she walked past the bed to the door. "Logically it only makes sense to rid yourself of useless things."

Trowa frowned as he watched her retreating back. Her comment not sitting well with him. After a moment, he shook his head and followed suit as he got out of bed. He didn't want to take her comment to heart, knowing something had happened while she was gone. Something had changed about her. Going to the dresser, Trowa grabbed a pair of boxers out of the drawer. Pulling them on he walked out of the bedroom. Their clothes still scattered on floor as he walked into the kitchen.

Serena stood at the refrigerator, bent slightly causing the shirt she was wearing to ride up in the back. Trowa wondered if she was using her attraction to distract him from whatever problem she was having. But then again, her appearance wasn't anything out of the ordinary. She had dressed like this often, especially after sex.

"You don't have any food." Serena said as she stood up, closing the door.

"Haven't gone shopping in a while."

"I see that, but you have plenty of coffee." Serena gestured towards the coffee pot.

"Can't live without java." Trowa smirked. Serena sighed as she went over to the coffee pot and started to brew them some coffee. She stayed quiet as she took two coffee cups out of the cabinet. He continued to watch her as she poured the coffee, debating on what he could say to her. He didn't want to say anything that would scare her. Causing her to shut down and not discuss whatever was bothering her.

"Would you like to go out tonight for dinner?" Trowa said as he accepted the offered mug.

"No, I'm-" Serena was cut off by a knock coming from the door. Serena quirked her brow at Trowa. "Catherine isn't coming to do another surprise visit, is she?"

"No," Trowa shook his head. "She was here a month ago." Serena turned quickly from him, making her way towards the door. "Serena, wait-"

Serena didn't stop, unlocking the door before opening it fully. Heero stood on the other side, suitcase and duffel bag in hand. Staring at her with wide eyes.

"Should've known." Serena mumbled.

"What are you…" Heero stood ridged as he took in her appearance. The shirt she was wearing was lifted on one side. The same side that her hand was resting on her hip. Revealing more skin and he cared to ever see.

"Did you call me?" Serena asked, breaking through his thoughts.

"No, I just figured you'd want your things." Heero glanced to Trowa where he was standing behind the island. Coffee cup in hand and a surprised look on his face.

"Oh." Serena said while moving to the side to allow Heero in. Heero hesitant before taking a step into the apartment. His body moving almost on autopilot.

Dropping the suitcase next to him, he didn't know exactly what he was doing there at this point. He had simply been trying to bring her things to her, but now he was wishing that he had called before showing up.

"Don't look so out of place." Serena said as she took the duffel bag from him. "It's not like you've never seen me so underdressed."

"What?" Heero swung his heads towards her.

"At least I have a shirt on this time." Serena walked passed him. Duffel bag slung over her shoulder with the suitcase in her other hand. Heero watched as she brought everything into the bedroom. Disappearing from view.

Trowa cleared his throat, trying to overcome the embarrassment he was feeling himself. Heero and him locked eyes for only a moment before they both averted their gaze. It was obvious neither of them knew what to say or do. Trowa wished he knew ahead of time that Heero would be stopping by his place. At least he could've put on clothes. He also didn't want to start another fight with his comrade. They had argued enough over what had transpired between him and Serena and what had happened after the satellite.

"So why did you really bring my things?" Serena asked as cane back into the kitchen. Still only dressed in the t-shirt she had been wearing.

"Like I said, I figured you'd want your things. You were planning on staying here, right?"

Serena stopped dead in her tracks. Straightening herself she stared at Heero. They hadn't discussed where she'd be living. The hotel had only been a temporary situation. Heero's old apartment had been rented out after Duo and Hilde bought a house, and since Heero didn't need the space himself, he never renewed the lease. Serena hadn't even bothered to look for an apartment herself. If she were to be honest, she didn't fully know what she'd be doing.

There was also the fact that she hadn't even spoken with Trowa about it. She had been so wrapped up with his physical needs that she hadn't thought about what she was going to do long term, nor did she even think about the fact that she was supposed to tell him what had happened to her. A topic she still wasn't ready for.

"Um," Serena chewed on her lip. Heero could see Serena struggling with the decision on whether or not she had planned on staying at Trowa's. While Heero had been up in the air about it, he knew in deep down that she'd end up back at Trowa's regardless of what he had to say. It was one of the reasons why he hadn't brought it up to her. After a few minutes of silence, Heero decided to make the decision for her.

"Call me if you need anything." Serena sent him one of her looks before he made his hasty retreat to the door. Without another word he opened the apartment door, leaving the them to discuss things.

"Serena?" Trowa stood watching her. She hadn't moved from where she had been standing next to the island. Her shoulders were ridged and the faint furrow of her brow told him enough.

"Huh?"

"Thai sound good for dinner?"

Serena stared wide eyed at him. Trowa knew the moment their lovemaking was over that she had become uncomfortable around him. It only made the signs clearer when Heero had assumed that she'd be staying with him and her reaction was anything but reassuring. She had been completely caught off guard by Heero, and maybe part of it was her own insecurities. But the darkness he had seen earlier had crept back into her eyes. Whatever was going on in her head he knew he needed to give her more time. Pushing her would only send her running from him.

"If you're not up to going out, we can order in." Trowa elaborated.

"Thai sounds fine." Serena said after a moment. A small frown forming on her face.

* * *

 _A/N_

 _Happy Monday!_

 _I know I've been slow to update, it's just finding the time and also I don't feel like I'm back into the swing of things. I feel like my_ _writing_ _is lacking and I'm trying to work out whatever kink is going on with me. I've_ _decided_ _to stick with my old style of writing. Trying something new for this story just doesn't feel right, nor do I feel it's reading the way it should. I might go back and edit up the first two chapters and make them sound more like "me" in a way. But there is some good news! I'm doing Camp NaNo for the month of April, even though I'm behind on my word goal, but I'm hoping by doing this it'll pull me back in and I'll be able to get more chapters_ _written_ _this month and be able to post those within a more timely manner._

 _Thank you to those who have favorited and are following FC! I'm_ _excited_ _that you're excited to see what happens! I promise I will get back into everything and put out an awesome story!_

 _Until next time,_

 _-MM_


	5. Don't Be Afraid

**Chapter Four**

Don't Be Afraid

Trowa and Serena sat at the breakfast bar. His plate with have eaten food while hers was barely touched. Serena had been pushing the food around for the better part of the last fifteen minutes. Not once had she taken a single bite. Her mind else well, and her appetite seem to be gone with it. Ever since Heero had stopped by, Serena had closed herself off. She had left him standing in the kitchen while she went to take a shower, and when he had joined her, she had quickly gotten out. Drying and dressing herself before disappearing. When he emerged from the bedroom, he found her sitting on the couch flipping through the channels on the TV. He figured since she hadn't left that it was a good sign she was planning on at least staying for dinner. After a few moments of watching her, his stomach reminded him that he hadn't eaten anything since that morning. Sighing to himself, Trowa made his way into the kitchen to order some Thia for them.

While waiting for the food, Trowa made a list of groceries they needed to pick up. Which turned out to be more than he thought. He hadn't realized until then how bare his cabinets and fridge were. There was barely anything substantial for them to eat. Only a few eggs and some bread. Plenty of soup and a few frozen dinners. Trowa continued to add to the list, thinking of all the meals Serena had made them when she had been staying with him. He missed her cooking. While he wasn't terrible, Serena was skilled enough to turn a simple meal into something that could make his taste buds come alive.

Smiling to himself, he thought about possibly taking some lessons and learning to cook a decent meal for them. Relying on Serena to cook all the time wasn't fair in his eyes. If they were going to continue having a relationship, he needed to put in the effort as well. They were both independent and could live on their own, but they didn't have to live like that. Trowa had never had a live-in girlfriend before, or a relationship he could claim to have been long-term. While all of this was new to him and exciting, he knew he couldn't get too excited. There was a chance Serena wouldn't stay longer than just the night.

Serena was free to live her life. A life she had never truly got to experience before now. After a few months, she could pick up and leave. Leaving him where he was before he had met her. He had spent most of the day thinking of every possible way to keep her. To never let her slip away the way she had, but the more he thought about it and seeing her now, the more he realized he couldn't put all his eggs in one basket.

There was always the possibility she could _leave_.

The only thing he could do was to prove to her that she could have a life here on Earth, with him. She wouldn't have returned if she still didn't feel the same way she had before. Why go through the trouble of coming back if she wasn't really planning on staying? Or even accept the job offer Une had presented to her? Although she could've still accepted the job, but worked at a different branch. There were plenty of other places she could have gone, but she had come back to Brussels.

Trowa shook his head, dispelling the thoughts and questions. He was overthinking everything. She came back for a reason, and he just needed to wait to find out what the reason was. Glancing to his right, he noticed Serena had completely given up on eating. Sighing inwardly, he figured maybe now was the best time to address her distress over whatever was going on in her head.

* * *

Serena sighed as she put her fork down. She didn't feel like eating, and with Trowa watching her so closely, it wasn't helping the situation. While he had been respectful enough to keep some distance and not approach the one subject she knew was resting on the tip of his tongue. It was only making her question her own sanity over it. Maybe it would've been easier if he had just asked her in the first place. Or maybe it would've been easier if she just had said something to begin with.

After all, they wouldn't be sitting side by side quietly eating, or rather lack of eating on her part.

 _What are you so afraid of? Why can't you just tell him?_ Serena's mind kept repeating over and over again. What was she afraid of? Trowa didn't seem to have any issue taking her back, but why had that bothered her so much in the first place? She had been nervous, scared even to see him. Her thoughts had been running rampant in her head for days now. _What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he blames me for everything? What if he doesn't like who I am now? What if he doesn't-_ Serena tried to ignore the last question at all cost. Love was still something she was coming to learn and understand. She knew she felt something for him. This deep connection she couldn't quite explain.

All she knew was that she wanted to feel these feelings again. The way it warmed her, and made her look at the world differently. It changed her view of herself, or what she thought was herself, but now she could be someone else, possibly the person she was supposed to be. Wasn't that the reason she came back to Earth in the first place? To learn who she truly was, and to learn to love someone?

" _What am I supposed to do now?"_

" _Live your life."_ J had told her _. "Enjoy what this life has to offer you, Serena."_

J had given her the key to her freedom. While ideally it would've been nicer to just have left on her own, she couldn't deny having Heero bring her back to Earth wasn't a bad idea. Her fears over what had happened and what could happen were enough to keep her away. To hide until either she was fully ready to see those she had hurt, or until they had forgotten about her. Heero gave her time. -If you call two weeks enough time to grow a backbone.- His idea of giving her time meant multiple daily calls, a few random check in's, in which Serena couldn't figure out how he managed, but then again this was Heero and he always found a way.

But two weeks didn't seem like enough time, and yet it was too much time.

She had spent every night dreaming about returning. Returning to what little _life_ she had lived before the satellite. It was the first time she had ever felt like something other than a weapon. Something other than a toy someone could use for their own needs and wants. She had been able to experience new things. Be around others who understood her for what she was, but also who saw her as a person instead of an object. But it was Trowa who showed her there was more to life than she could've ever imagined.

He showed her kindness, opened up his home to her, and even cared for her when she needed someone to help her. He listened to her when she spoke, took an interest in the things she liked and even valued her opinion. No one had ever done that for her. No had have ever listened enough to get to know her. To ask her questions about herself on a personal level, rather than just asking out of politeness or not asking at all.

Sure J had asked her for advice, and had taken an interest into the things she enjoyed. He always made sure to have someone bring her new books and had even gone as far as to bring in a piano for her. But J wasn't out for her best interest. No matter how many "good" deeds he did for her, it was only to maintain the peace between them. Long enough for him to finish what he had started. She was never a person, just the illusion of what she was supposed to be. A copy. A backup, just incase the world needed someone like her. But the world didn't need her, they already had someone like her, and he was at least the original version of himself.

Serena caught Trowa staring at her from the corner of her eye. A frown firmly planted on his face. He wasn't hiding his feelings, but then again, she wasn't doing a very good job hiding hers either. Ever since her memories returned, she felt off. Her control over herself didn't feel the same as it once had. She felt weaker, not just physically, but mentally as well. Adjusting to what was considered "normal" didn't feel like it was the right fit for her. Or maybe it was all in her head.

She knew she needed to get to the root of her dilemma. She could sit and stew in her own mindless reasons for all of eternity, but it would never truly solve the reason why she was so afraid. Was she afraid of him? No, she concluded, she wasn't afraid of him. She was afraid of herself. Her past would always haunt her, much like his would haunt him. The only difference between them was that she knew his, but he only knew a fraction of hers. The playing fields weren't even, but chances were, they'd never be.

"Serena," Trowa said calmly. Serena turned her head enough to get a better view of his face. Trying to gauge what he was about to say. But his face had fallen into a mask. "Is something bothering you? You haven't touched your food."

" _I don't let my past define me."_ What stupid words she had said. Back then she believed them. But now she could clearly see how wrong she was. Her past did define her. It shaped her to be who she was today. Even though she was unsure how good of a thing that was.

"That's not the question you really want to ask me." She said back to him. A frown forming on her face. "I'm not so foolish to believe that you're not the least bit curious as to what happened."

"I do want to know, but only when you're ready to tell me."

"You're too kind for your own good, Barton." Serena shook her head as she pushed her plate away. Her appetite had fled long ago, and she was finally ready to wave the white flag.

"I know you well enough to know if you're backed into a corner, you'll just run." Trowa said sternly. Serena arched a brow at him. He wasn't completely wrong.

"I only run when there are no other options, and the mission has been compromised."

"Am I another mission then?" Trowa smirked as he leaned closer to her. "I'm pretty sure you've already accomplished that."

She knew what he was doing. He was trying to lighten the mood and get her to break down the walls she had built. It worked in the past with her and she could play the same game right back, but could he handle the truth?

"You were never a mission. I refused to accept it when the order came in. I wasn't risking your life for the possibility of accessing information I could obtain on my own."

"What?" Trowa sat straight up in his seat. The surprise of her admission present on his face. "You were ordered to-"

"To use you to get information from Preventers, yes." Serena said, cutting him off. "J sent the order the same night we…" Serena trailed off, unsure of her words. "The night Duo interrupted us. He wanted some information and wanted me to obtain it via you."

"Did you ever use me to obtain private information?" Trowa's face turning into a stone mask once again.

"No," Serena shook her head. "I took the risk of rejecting it. If anything, it was probably one of his tests."

"What kind of information did he want?"

"Nothing that pertains to you."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"It doesn't matter now," Serena said. "I never gave him anything other than regular reports."

"So why me? Why not Heero?"

"J may be old, but he's not stupid." Serena tightened her eyes. "Heero didn't exactly invite me to live with him. But you did." Trowa sighed as he held up his hands.

"I see where you're going with this."

"Are you satisfied?"

"No," Trowa answers honestly. "But it's a start." A smirk tugging the corners of his mouth. "So where were you?"

Serena knew it was coming. She had opened the door and invited him in. Trowa was clever enough to slip things in when needed, and he knew how to use his charm to get the necessary information.

"L1." Serena turned her head away.

"So J found you." It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement.

"More like I found him." Serena shrugged. Trowa's smirk disappearing into a frown. Another reason she didn't want to look him in the eye. He could've found her, probably had guessed where she was, but he didn't come looking for her.

"What do you mean?"

"Cockpit ejected itself after the self-destruct was triggered. Fail-safe installed purposely for if I ever went overboard. I don't know where exactly I ended up, but that's what I was told." Serena tried to keep her features neutral. She knew there was no point in avoiding the conversation. Trowa was going to find out sooner or later, and he had a knack for information from someone. Something she knew she'd have to work on. Some things he just didn't need to know.

* * *

Trowa cursed to himself as he thought over what Serena had said. If he had taken the time to really think about it, he probably would have figured out where she was in the first place, and if that was the case, then he and Heero could've gone to get her. Or Heero had learned where she was, and that's why he had been acting different the past month. Especially the last two weeks.

"Then why don't you tell me what happened." Trowa said as he pushed his plate away. If Serena was going to open up to him, he wanted to give her his full attention. They could always warm up their food later.

"What happened to the whole "not pushing" me?" Serena arched a brow at him.

"You offered up some information." Trowa shrugged. "We're not doing anything and I don't think you plan on eating, so why don't we just talk?"

"You're acting too calm for my liking." Serena turned her head away from him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Serena." Trowa smiled softly as she turned her head back towards him. "Whatever happened isn't going to scare me off that easily, so if that's what you're worried about, don't need to be," Serena's eyes grew wide as he continued. "My feelings for you haven't changed, nor has my option of you. Don't feel like you can't speak to me, I'm not going to judge you."

"You still don't know me."

"Not all of you, but I want to." Trowa reached his hand out, brushing a stray hair behind her ear. "I've done things I'm not proud of, seen things no one should ever see. But it's apart of me, part of who I am. All I can do is keep moving forward and try to better myself." Serena's eyes soften, while a small smile started breaking through her mask.

"You've always had an incredible way of handling yourself." Serena looked down, staring thoughtfully at her hands. "Even when in battle. You were able to think of not just the negatives of what you were doing, but the good. You knew what needed to be done, but those lives that were lost, weren't lost in vain. I've always admired that about you. It's easy to kill, but being able to feel remorse and pray for those you've killed has never come easily for me." Serena shook her head. Bring her eyes back up to met his. "I've killed people without a single shred of guilt, but then again I was programmed to."

"None of that is your fault." Trowa grabbed her arm lightly, pulling her off her seat and into his arms. "We all handle things differently. I'm not perfect, but I've learned from my mistakes. You say those lives weren't lost in vain, but they were. My hands are stained with every life I've ever taken. While God may not forgive me for what I've done, I can work to forgive myself and right those wrongs. If I can save even just one life, that's one less life I have to add to my already blood stained hands." Serena chuckled as she settled herself against him.

"What's funny about what I said?" Trowa asked. His words were meant to comfort her, not make her laugh.

"I may not have killed as many people, but I was on the fast track to it." Serena rested her head against his shoulder. "I think you're too hard on yourself. From what I've seen, you've paid for every life already. You've reflected and your actions from there on out were for the better good of the Earth and Colonies. Don't forget that. You and everyone else saved more lives than you killed. If Zechs had won, think about how the Earth would be if Libra had fallen?"

"I know," Trowa said. And he knew all too well what would've become of the Earth and it's people. "But why did you laugh?"

"Because we're talking about something completely off topic and because you're passionate about what you're doing with your life. I think it's sweet." Serena tilted her head up to smile at him.

"You think it's sweet?" Trowa lifted a brow. "Are you sure you're the same Serena I meet six months ago?"

"Same, just slightly different." Serena shook her head as she pulled away from him. A smile still on her face. "I'm guessing you want to know the truth now?"

"I do, so long as you're ready."

* * *

Trowa sat calmly smiling at her. He was ready to hear her story, but she wasn't so sure she was ready. Serena knew there was no avoiding the inevitable. Maybe she'd feel better after. But there was still a fear of the unknown. Life was going to be different from here on out. Her only fear at this point was that the life she wanted to live and what her life would be, weren't one in the same. A small part of herself knew deep down that she'd always be the person she was before. _Delta_ would never leave her. Would always haunt her. Could she learn to live with it? Would she be able to live this new life? Or would her past swallow her whole, taking anything she cared about along with it?

More questions she wasn't sure she wanted the answers to. Maybe it would've been easier if she hadn't lived. Had never met Trowa or Heero. Life was easier in some ways back then. She was just a ghost living a life that wasn't really hers. At least back then she didn't have to worry about hurting anyone she cared about. Now things were different, and maybe it was time to accept that.

Taking a deep breath, she dove into her story.

* * *

 _A/N Happy Thursday!_

 _I apologize for taking forever to upload. My personal life has been very stressful and it's hard to focus and I'm sure some of you can see that in my writing. I'm trying my best and hoping to get my shit together and get back down to business! I have plenty of ideas and a better understanding of how I want this story to go... the end may or may not be written already. (Subject to change!) There's a lot of stuff I have figured out for later in this story, its just getting there._

 _Anyway, I wanted to go over this chapter quickly. I hope it shows that Serena is struggling with "being normal" or what she believes to be "normal". For her it's mainly fear, and I'm sure everyone can relate in some way to this. We've all been in a position where we're unsure of something or someone and when we have to face that fear, we have all these questions going through our head and sometimes it's just us, as people, worrying over nothing. Personally, I think Serena's OVERREACTING. So long as Trowa doesn't learn about some things she's done or whats been done to her, they should be fine. So long as she keeps her mouth shut. Although I don't see that being a problem. Hopefully some of you understood this, and the random conversations they had. *shrugs* like I said, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things._

 _Next chapter will be a flashback chapter, just a heads up. I haven't been dating these chapters and honestly, I haven't figured out the time line to a T yet. When I do, I will let you all know._

 _Until next time..._

 _-MM_


	6. Lost Within Oneself

**Chapter Five**

Lost Within Oneself

 _Five months ago..._

A groan escaped passed her lips as someone moved her. Pain flaring through her entire body. She couldn't remember why she was in so much pain, but her body felt as though it had been through a meat grinder.

"Place her on the table. Be careful with her head." A males voice sounded from her left.

Trying to open her eyes to see who was speaking, she blinked against the harsh light. Pain coursing through her skull from the overhead lights. Groaning again she tried to speak.

"We need to get an IV running. I also need the portable scanner." The male voice sounded familiar, but at the same time she couldn't place who it belonged to. Why was it so difficult? She knew she was in pain, but why couldn't her brain formulate the necessary information?

"Serena? Can you hear me?"

She made a small noise with whatever strength she had. Everything hurt to move and she couldn't keep her eyes open.

"Serena, just lie still. You've been injured and I'm afraid the chip is burning out again."

Who was this man? Why was he calling her by that name and what was this "chip" he was referring to? She felt something prick her arm right before a cool liquid rushed into her veins. Soon the pain eased, then the harsh white light. Everything was growing darker. A welcome feeling to what she had been feeling only moments ago. Letting the feeling wash over her, she surrendered to whatever awaited her.

* * *

 _Three months later..._

A strange sound kept forming in her dreamless state. Or what she assumed to be dreamless. It was just a black void. Nothing to see, nothing to do. But this noise, it was almost…

 _Beep._

It was the first sound she had heard in what felt like forever. But she couldn't place the sound…

 _Beep._

The more she focused on the sound the more she felt like she could feel something. Something other than the blackness…

 _Beep_.

When she finally opened her eyes, she was welcomed by a dingy white ceiling above her head. An uncomfortable mattress under her. She could feel tubs pushed up into her nose, an IV in her hand and wires that were attached to her arms and chest. A light bed sheet was draped over her. The _beeping_ sound from her dreamless sleep was coming from some kind of machine next to her.

Turning her head slightly to the side, she saw a monitor displaying her heart rate and a ventilator that was once helping her to supply her with oxygen. Reaching up she pulled the tubs away from her face, breathing in the stale air of the room. It wasn't the clean sterile air that the machine was providing, but it felt better than having the forced air being pumped into her body.

Once the other wires and blood pressure cuff had been removed, she took her time looking around the strange room. It wasn't a large room. Only a single door with no windows or anything hanging from the walls. Minus the IV bag hanging from a hook. The room looked more like a coat closet that had been converted into a hospital room.

Sitting up she felt how weak and stiff her body was. A small spell of dizziness telling her that she hadn't been in an upright position for some time. From what she could gather, she must have been in a coma.

"You're awake."

Turning her head sharply, she saw a man dressed in a lab coat. Both his legs were confined to braces while his right hand had replaced by a metal claw. In his left hand he held onto a cane. His long white bread and round glass eyes threw her for a loop. Not to mention the fact she hadn't even heard him come in. That set her on edge. She knew she should've heard the door open or had at least noticed another presence in the small room.

"Who are you?" She demanded with a raspy voice. One that clearly hadn't been used for some time. The man standing in front of the door only frowned at her words.

"You don't remember who I am?" He asked in a tone that left little room to disperfer his feelings towards the question. How was she supposed to know who he was? She had never seen him before. Shaking her her head _no_ , she caused a small wave of pain to shoot through her head.

"Hm. I was afraid of that. How are you feeling?" He asked.

"A afraid of what?" She countered back.

"I'm going to assume you're feeling relatively normal. You're speaking clearly enough and your eyes aren't dilated. That's a good sign."

"You didn't answer _my_ question." She growled at him. Finding some strength to her voice. "You didn't answer either of them."

"Short term memory seems to be intact, though your long term is questionable." Throwing the sheets back, she tried to stand from the makeshift bed. "Don't try and move, my dear. We need to make sure the injuries you sustained have healed properly."

Ignoring him she stood from the bed. Her legs felt wobbling under her own weight, but after a moment of leaning a hand against the wall she was able to righten herself.

"I demand to know _who_ you are, where _I_ am, and why I was _injured_ in the first place."

"Do you even know your own name?" The man countered back. Both his good hand and claw hand resting on his cane. "If you can tell me your name, then I will answer any and all questions you have."

"My name is…" She trailed off. Searching her brain for something familiar. "I'm…" Gritting her teeth together, she tried to fight off the pain that was starting to grow in her head. How could she not know her own name? Who was she? "I'm-"

"Enough!" He said sharply, effectively cutting her off. "You're going to send yourself into another blackout if you keep trying. And this time I don't want to see you hit the floor!"

 _Hit the floor?_

"This isn't the first time this has happened?" She asked. She had done this both? But she had no recollection of waking up until now. The man standing in front of her sighed heavily _._

"You've woken up a few times now. Each time you've been unable to tell me who you were. This time however, I'd prefer for you to stay awake. Now come, we need to run a few test." Turning half around, the man reached for the door handle.

"Wait!" She called after him. "At least tell me your name!" The man turned slightly, glancing over his shoulder at her.

"Jay Null, but you may call me Doctor J."

* * *

A few weeks passed with little improvement. Tests were run daily along with training exercises. Files of a life she couldn't remember had been given to her to review. None of the material ever clicked in her head. The life she had been studinging wasn't recalling any memory. No spark of a past that was elusive to her. She felt like she was reading about someone else's life rather than her own. No matter how many times she questioned the man named J, he only continuously confirmed that it was indeed _her_ life that she was reading.

But there were pieces missing. Information he wasn't offering up to her. She could feel it in her bones, but she didn't have any proof to counter what he was telling her.

The life she had before her "accident," appeared to be almost the same life she had been living since she awoke from her coma. Testing, training and rest. Day in, and day out. From time to time she'd do other things and as time had progressed, there was only so much resting she could do. Her mind wouldn't allow her to rest after training all day, and as her body started to regain its strength, the more she wanted to do. To test her limits mentally and physically.

But she started off with easy tasks. Little things that wouldn't warrant J to reprimand her.

She had taken over preparing their meals, as it seemed the most natural to her. J didn't question her nor did he complain. He only complimented her on her cooking skills. She had also taken over some of the cleaning duties. Basic tidying up of the lab and rooms, but she had mainly done it because she couldn't stand to watch the old man shuffling about with a broom. It wasn't like he wasn't capable of cleaning, but rather it was more difficult, and she was sure that his age was starting to effect some of his mobility as well. Not just the leg braces he wore.

One day she had found an old upright piano that had been stored away in one of the many rooms inside whatever place they had been living in. Besides the lab and living courtners, there were a few other rooms on what appeared to be single floor. There was an elevator along with a stairwell. But she hadn't gone as far as to see what was above them. She only knew there were on the lowest level of a building. The piano had been in one of the storage rooms. Boxes of equipment had been piled around it over some period of time.

She had poked around in the boxes, but nothing seemed of importance and she had quickly discarded the boxes to the side as she made her way towards the piano. Within a few hours she had finally managed to free it along with making a big enough path to the doorway to get it out of the room.

With some effort and some help from a few of the only other people she had seen coming and going from the lab time to time, they were able to pull it out of the room and move it into the lab. She would've put it in her room, but her room wasn't any bigger than a shoe box. When she had questioned J about the piano, he told her that he had found it years ago and had it brought in for her. He wouldn't offer up why, other than it was some kind of gift he had given her. She found it odd, and even more strange when he had asked her to play something on it.

When she first sat down on the bench, her hands hovered over the keys. Unsure of herself, but deciding against the small voice in her head reminding her she couldn't remember a damn thing, she slowly pressed her fingers against the keys.

She started slowly, testing to see if it was even in tune or if it'd even play anything. To her surprise the notes she played were in tune, and as she continued she noticed not one key needed to be adjusted. Stopping, she stood and opened the top of the tall backing. Besides for the outside appearance of the piano, everything on the inside was clean and looked to be brand new. It looked as though the outside had been purposely been destroyed. As if to deter someone from using it. Which only made her question why someone would do such a thing, but with the inside, —the most important components, besides the keys themselves,— everything was fine. She had shrugged off the minor details as she sat back down, bringing her hands back into position to play.

As her fingers began working on their own accord, her mind shut down. Blocking everything and everyone out. A feeling of calm and peacefulness over taking her.

She had fallen into the melody she had been playing. Her thoughts only on the feel of the keys beneath her fingers and the sound of the notes flowing to her ears. The song lost to her, but the feeling she felt playing was familiar. Something she had done before, much like her training. It felt naturel. It was a comforting feeling, but it still didn't tell her who she was. Or what she was supposed to be doing. Something she had been questioning more over the past few days.

She felt like there was more she should've been doing rather than hiding in some abandoned building. For all she knew, she could've had a family or a life outside of the walls she had been calling home. J hadn't told her much, as he had been more into finding out how well she was healing. She wasn't so ignorant to know that he was really trying to determine if she had any long term damage.

From her understanding of what had happened to her, she should've been dead from the blast that had triggered her escape pod to eject itself from the whatever it had been attached to. Her body has been so badly mangled from a multitude of broken bones, lacerations to her body and head, a partially collapsed lung, and the amount of blood she had lost. It was amazing she had even regained some consensus after everything that had happened to her. She had also been lucky that none of her broken bones had done any real damage to any of her vital organs.

Her escape pod had looked like nothing more than a chunk of rock that had been smashed with a hammer about a hundred time. She had spent some time pulling whatever was left of it apart. But none of the pieces gave her any more clues to what had happened to her. She only found that the inside still had blood smeared all over it. A single handprint on the controls told her that she had tried to do something, but whatever it was, she'd never know.

It only made living and dealing with J more annoying. He only told her information when he felt like it, or it was done in some cryptic way. One she couldn't quite figure out. She had freedom to move about the place. Use the computers and even go as far as to use his equipment to build random things or take something apart. She spent most of her free time bouncing between doing a little bit of everything. Depending on how she was feeling she would spend her nights researching information on the computers, or she spent sitting at the piano. Letting the music relax her sore muscles and clear her mind of the day's activities. If she was in a foul mood for whatever reason, she'd return to the small gym area and continue to go over her training exercises from that day.

It was something that J would comment on. He was never thrilled when she'd over do it and end up collapsing. Even if she knew she was pushing herself. She had torn open a few wounds that were still healing. Wounds that felt like they were never going to heal completely. Not to mention the headaches that would come on without warning. Sometimes if she tried to think back on what she thought was a memory, the headache would be enough to cause her to faint. But still, knowing what could and would happen, she had still continued to push herself and her mind. She needed to know who she was. Where she belonged, and if her name was truly hers.

* * *

 _One month ago…_

"So my name really is Serena?" J nodded his head. They had been sitting across from each other. Their dinners untouched since Serena had placed their food on the table. It had been the first time she had ever voiced concerns about her name. J had been calling her by her name since she had regained consciousness.

"Yes, Serena Lowell to be exact. Clever name I might add."

"I chose the name?" Serena asked. The name still wasn't sitting well with her. For whatever reason she still didn't fully trust him.

"Before that, you went by many different names. Delta being the main one we used. When you were given the opportunity, you selected Serena."

The past few weeks had been rough to say the least. Serena had been coropotive, but she had also been resentful. Mainly of herself. Every time she tried to remember something she'd fall into a fainting spell. Her brain was still healing, but J was starting to fear that her memories would be lost forever if he didn't take some kind of action soon. All the little triggers he gave her from the files for her to read, to the files he allowed her to view on his computer, and even to the piano being brought out into the lab. He had hoped something would spark some memory.

While she had been able to perform every task he had given her, and even the times she was left to occupy herself, she had still maintained a sense of herself. Things she had done before seemed to come to her naturally and he had hoped it would be enough. But as the weeks passed and with the little to none improvement she was displaying, J knew he needed to do something and fast. His window of opportunity was shrinking every day she continued to live without her memories. There was a possibility she may never recover, but if he allowed her to continued to live like this, falling into a life that wasn't hers anymore, he wasn't sure he could live with knowing she'd never have the freedom she deserved.

"Are you willing to speak with someone from your past?"

Serena's head snapped up so fast J was sure she had hurt her neck in some way.

"Someone from my past?" Her eyes widen ever so slightly.

"Yes, I'd like to see how you handle it. It might be good for you to speak with someone other than myself." Serena nodded her head. Her eyes returning to her untouched food. J frowned as he recognized the signs. She was upset. She wouldn't touch her food if she had it her way.

"We should eat. We can discuss this more later, but after dinner I wish for you to rest."

"I want to go back…"

"No," J said sternly. "While your body has been recovering nicely, and your strength is returning, you still need to rest. And by rest I mean actual _rest_. Not going back to the gym, not spending hours in front of the computer. If you want you can play some music, or read one of the new books I brought you. But for tonight you will do _nothing_ but allow your body the down time it needs." Serena said nothing more as she picked up her fork, selecting a piece of meat and bring it to her mouth. Satisfied that Serena was at least going to eat, J went back to his own meal.

"What's the ZERO System?" Serena asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. J calmly put down his fork, raising his head to meet Serena's intense blue eyes. Her face had fallen into its stocic mask that she wore more often than she had when she first awoke. Unreadable, even to the trained eye.

But it didn't take J much to figure out she had hacked deeper into his computer. While her memories were few and far between, her skills that had been engraved into her hadn't lost their touch.

"You've been doing some more digging, haven't you?"

"Hn."

"The ZERO system is a complex system. It can be used in multiple ways, but its main purpose is for combat. Specifically for MS combat."

"Mobile Suits?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Serena crossed her arms over her chest. J tightened his eyes. Maybe he had been miss reading her earlier. She had been waiting to ask him this question.

"To improve the pilot. But the system is flawed. It was meant to enhance the pilots overall fighting skills, giving them the greatest outcome of success."

"Then why use it at all?"

"Because there are some who can handle the program and not become a victim to the system."

J raised his hand slightly, pointing at her. "But you know all this."

"I want to know _what_ the system does." Reading between the lines, J knew exactly what she was telling him.

"I don't think ready for that, my dear. You need to recover first before we can even play with the idea of you testing your limits."

"Hn." Serena's eyes narrowed. Dropping the topic, she picked up her fork backup, beginning to eat again.

J followed suit, keeping his eyes trained on her. It had been an idea, but were the risks worth the reward? Would Serena's memories return if she used the ZERO system? And if they did, how much would she remember?

J could, if he wanted to, reimplement the microchip and jog her memory that way. But due to the failure of the last two chips, there wasn't any way for him to gain access to memories that were now lost due to their malfunctions. Because of this, any and all memories of her meeting Heero and the others would be lost. Along with her feelings towards Trowa Barton. She wouldn't have any recollection of him and of their short relationship, but J wasn't too sure if he wanted her to remember.

If she didn't regain her memory, he could reprogram her in a sense. He could start fresh, fine tuning her to be her absolute best. But was her life worth the risk? A life she had been hoping, dreaming of having. Something other than what he had created her for in the first place.

Was his pride too strong to break? Could he let her go and let her become the girl he had only seen glimpses of. The girl who used to smile often. The girl who appreciated the smallest of things in life and was content to have her books and music to keep her happy. Or as happy as he could make her.

He remembered the first time she had seen the ocean on Earth. The first time she had taken off her shoes and let her toes touch the warm sand. He wasn't one to leave the comforts of space, but he wanted to give her the opportunity to see the Earth. Rather than just having her read about it. Images and videos could only show her so much, but he wanted her to feel and experience it for herself.

It was shortly before Edwards had approached him about his work and later inquired about Serena. If it was the only thing he could've done for her back then, he'd still make the same decision. Seeing her walk the beach on the small island he had taken them to, had shown him she was just as human as he was. She may have been cloned from a host's DNA, but she was very much her own person. Nothing like the first, but who was also so close to a carbon copy of Beta that it was hard at times to disguises the two.

If he had created her back then, would she have turned out the same? Would it have been possible to send not just one pilot, but two? They were all questions J had pondered over the years, but as he sat across from Serena, he realized she wouldn't have turned out the same. Her strength came from the knowledge she had learned from the other pilots. Coupled with her own experiences and her sense of what was right, and how to fight for what she _believed_ in.

No, he couldn't have done better and he certainly couldn't create the same girl he had knew now. Serena was destined to do great things. To become something bigger than even she herself knew. Wasn't that his main goal for her? Or had he too lost sight in what he original objection was?

* * *

 _A/N_

 _HEY GUYS! Sorry for the excitement but look what I did! I spent last night writing out the rest of this chapter and I edited it today! ^_^ I finally fell into this groove again and it felt so amazing! I haven't felt like this in a long time so it was refreshing. Also this chapter was long. Longer than I was intending but hopefully that makes up for the time between posts!_

 _While there's still a lot going on in my real life, I'm hoping now that some stuff has settled down enough that I can truly focus on writing this fic! I know I keep saying this and I honestly don't want to go into too much detail, but my family has been facing a challenge and it's been stressful on everyone. Cancer is an ugly thing and for any of you who have gone through this with your own family, or even personally, my deepest of sympathy. I know how hard it can be and the mental and emotional toll it can take on everyone. Right now, things are looking better, not great, but better. My family member is fighting hard and we've gotten passed stage one of their treatment, so it's been a huge deal the past week._

 _With that hat being said, if I drop off for a little please know it's just because I don't have the ability to write at that time. But I want to focus on this happy and excitement! So what do you think J plans to do? Will he use the ZERO system? Also who is he going to have her to speak to!? (If you guys can't guess then maybe I need to go back and revise better! Lol) god I'm just so happy right now! Hehhehe! The next chapter will feature more of a flashback and then I think it'll move back into the present. We shall see. Who knows maybe I'll throw us all for a loop!_

 _Until next time..._

 _-MM_


	7. Second Chance

**Chapter Six**

Second Chance

J had been debating whether or not placing this call was in the best interest of both parties. While Serena deserved to know who she was, who her friends were and even her family, he was still concerned that those closest to her would cause more harm than good.

Respectively the person with whom he was trying to contact.

The call could go one of two ways. Either the person would ignore the call completely, which wouldn't surprise him, or they would answer and be hostile towards him. In this case, would be the appropriate response. The last time they had spoken it hadn't been on the best of terms. But J had been able to supply him with the necessary information needed to save Serena's life.

J spared a few moments before attempting to place the call to think over what he would say, and how he would convince his first prodigy to go along with his idea. Taking a calming breath, he hit a few keys on his computer and waited.

 _Connecting… Connecting… Connecting..._

"J." Deep blue eyes glared back at him from the screen. It was déjà vu all over again. Had it really only been a few months since he had spoken to him? "Why are you contacting me?" Heero said in a low and threatening.

"I have _something_ of interest that you might like." At J's cryptic words, Heero's mask fell. His eyes grew wide as he quickly put the puzzle pieces together.

"You have her?" Heero's whole demeanor changed in a split second.

"Yes. But I must warn you, she is not the same person-"

"I want to speak with her. _Now_." Heero cut him off before he could finish. His face hardening once again while his eyes grew dark once again.

"You need to listen first." J waited a moment for Heero to settle himself. "Serena has amnesia. She has no recollection of her life before she woke up. Her injuries have healed and I'm pleased to say that overall she's fine, but I cannot unlock her memories. There's a possibility she may never remember." Heero seemed to go over the information before responding.

"So she won't know who I am?"

"No. I've only told her that there was someone I wanted her to speak with from her past."

"Can I speak with her?" Heero asked.

"You cannot, for any reason reveal that you've been in contact with her. She's in a fragile state and I don't want to see her relapse."

"Trowa will-"

"Trowa Barton will have to wait." J said sternly. "The last thing she needs is him rushing to see her. He would be hurt in the long run to only find out she doesn't remember him. She needs time, and if she doesn't remember… then there is nothing more I can do to help her." Heero nodded his head.

"I won't tell anyone then."

"Then I'll get her."

* * *

Heero ran a hand through his already unruly hair. He had already gotten up from his desk to lock his office door. The last thing he needed was someone waltzing in and overhearing the conversation or worse, seeing Serena.

His mind had already started supplying him with images of her. How she might look and if there were any noticeable changes to her features. If there would be any scarring to her face and body, but J would have warned him beforehand. With that thought he tried to push the unwanted images out of his mind.

It only succeeded in filling his mind with what had happened to her. J hadn't given him any details but from the small amount of information, Heero surmised that Serena had been badly hurt. Especially her head.

That fact alone unsettled him. He remembered when Trowa had lost his memories and how difficult that had been. But they were also at war at the time and being down one pilot was bad enough. They had needed all five of them and if someone was injured or not participating, their chances had been even slimmer of ending the war.

Heero's thoughts of the past were interrupted when Serena sat down. Her cold blue eyes staring at him. Eyes that were lacking the small spark they once held.

"He looks like me. Why does he look like me?" Her head turned towards J. Her Japanese was flawless as ever, but Heero wondered if she remembered how to speak English.

"Can you speak English?"

"He doesn't speak Japanese?" Serena glanced at him before looking back to J.

"I do, I'm just asking-"

"I can speak English." Serena cut him off. Her eyes tightening as she looked at him. "Why do we look alike?" Heero glanced to J who was standing directly behind her. J read the silent message, nodding his head. Heero turned his eyes back to Serena. His concerns growing the longer he looked into her eyes.

"You're my clone." Serena threw her head back, laughing. She mumbled something under her breath before regaining control of herself.

"Clone? That's got to be some kind of joke, right?"

"No, it's not." Heero said harshly. Serena sent him a glare, her warning that seem to say that _she_ was in control of the conversation. Heero bit down on his tongue. Now wasn't the time for them to start fighting.

"You were cloned from my DNA. We look similar because you were made to resemble a sibling rather than an exact copy." Heero said after a moment.

"So we're supposed to be like brother and sister?" Serena raised a brow. "You didn't mention that, J." Turning her head towards J.

"This is why I wanted you to speak with Heero. I created you to-"

"Heero?" Serena cut J off. She swung her head around, leaning towards the screen. "Heero." She said again. Sounding out his name slowly.

"Do you remember anything?" Heero prompted. For a brief moment he had hope that...

"No." Serena shook her head as she leaned back. "You're named after a dead poliation though. Ironically. Although I'm guessing that's not your real name either." Heero frowned at the mention of who he acquired his name from.

"You know that information?" J questioned. Heero lifted his own brow as he saw something flash across J's face. "We haven't talk about anything relating to Heero Yuy."

"He died in A.C. 175. He was assassinated by what officials believe to be an inside attempt of over throwing the colonies. He was their Chief Representative after all. It's public knowledge." Serena shrugged. "It's not hard to look up information such as this."

"Hm." J nodded his head. "I think that's enough for today."

"What? But I-" Serena started to protest.

"Serena, we can't rush things. You've met Heero, lets see if this jogs anything over the course of the next few days. Heero," J said as he looked to the screen. "Would you be willing to contact us in say, three days?"

"Yeah." Heero tightened his eyes. He watched Serena's face fall into a hopeless expression. There was clearly more she wanted to say, whether it be to himself or to J, but Heero doubted it was the latter of the two.

"Good." J said with a nod.

Serena for her part gave a soft smile and bowed her head slightly. A sign of respect before she stood from the chair. Heero wanted to say goodbye to her, but he never got the chance as Serena left the room. Never looking back at the screen.

"Now that you've seen that she's perfectly fine, I would like to get down to business." J took control of the conversation. Heero leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What business?"

"Time is of the essiances. I fear the window of opportunity is closing every day that she _doesn't_ regain her memory."

"Then what are you proposing?" Heero asked.

"There's two options, but both come with risks." J stated.

"What kind of risks?" Heero narrowed his eyes at his old mentor. "I don't want any harm to come to her." His voice dipping. The last thing he wanted was for Serena to relapse.

"Unfortunately, I can't promise anything. I can either implant a new chip, using all the data I have gathered. It would allow her to remember almost everything." Heero listened carefully. "The only issue with this is that Serena would have no recollection of meeting you and her time spent with you. There's also the chance that the chip could burnout, and cause more brain damage than she already has. She's gone through two chips in one month. I believe her body is finally rejecting the chip, as it no longer feels it can improve her overall."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Serena's brain is hardwired to the chip, but with what has happened in the last month, I think she's reworked herself to not need the chip. A mind-over-matter situation, if you will."

"So to her, the chip is useless and she could do better without it?" Heero summed up.

"Yes, she has exceeded the limits of it. Even in her current state her brain would recognize it causing everything to potentially backfire on us. But there is still the possibility that it could work."

"Hn. What's the second option then?" Heero didn't like the idea of having J create another chip. Even if it could give Serena her memories back, they'd just be going down the same road she had been down once before.

"The second option is to use the ZERO system."

"I thought the chip was the ZERO system?" Heero stared at J. Was there something he had missed?

"It is. But what I'm talking about is having her simulate a battle, in which the ZERO system is used. While it's a safer alternative, there's still the risk that her mind could become overwhelmed before shutting down completely. She'd be reliving the last battle she had. Because the system stores one's memories, her system onboard Kibou's did the same. It contains every memory she's ever had."

"You have the computer system from her Gundam?" Heero nearing jumped out of his chair. If J had everything he needed to jog Serena's memory, why hadn't he? "Why didn't you just have her use the system in the first place?"

"Don't get too excited. Like I said, her mind could become overwhelmed and shut down. Amisna is tricky. Just because her brain looks fine and her wave patterns are normal doesn't mean that the damage isn't there. Basic functions will continue to work just as they always have, and while the brain is resilient, there's still no telling what will happen. There is a good possibility that Serena could slip into a coma and never come out of it."

Heero paused, thinking over everything J had said. After a few moments he came to the decision he felt was best for everyone. Including Serena.

"How soon can you have everything ready?"

J smiled almost wickedly before answering him.

"How soon can you come to L1?"

* * *

After a few days without any contact from J, Heero started to worry. It had been hard enough passing Trowa in the hallway, knowing how the other man had been feeling for months. He was lost, worrying over whether or not Serena was alive. But there wasn't anything Heero could do to ease the other man's distress over everything. Trowa had been beating himself up since Serena had left them in the hanger of the Ischyrós. At the time it had been the best decision any of them could have made. If Heero had been in Serena's shoes, he would've done the exact same thing. Mainly because he _had_ done the same thing in the past. But their faits had been different. While they both had succeeded in their respected missions, Serena had paid a much higher price. She was lucky to be alive, but she was now facing a world she didn't know how to navigate. Ironically, it was something Heero thought of after he had spoken to her, that she was living in the same state of mind Trowa once had.

If anyone could understand her the best in this situation, it would be Trowa. But Heero couldn't ask him for help. If there was a chance Serena could return to them, he had to keep her a secret. Even if she didn't return to Earth, he at least knew she was alive and if he could let the people closest to her know that she was fine, it would help those who were suffering the most come to terms with her disappearance. Heero had felt some of the weight, -mostly guilt- he had been carrying lift when he saw her on the other end of screen. But even with the feeling of just knowing she was safe, it only brought with it a new fear.

Her amnesia.

Heero had been working on a report when an incoming call came in. His heart stopped for a few seconds as he read the number. Swiftly he got up from his desk, locking his door before returning to his chair. He had barely gotten back into his seat before he connected the call. Serena's harden eyes were the first thing to greet him.

"Serena." Heero said. His tone neutral even if he was relieved to see her again.

"Are you busy?" Serena's tone sounded off to him. Her face telling him she wasn't in the mood to talk, but her tone of voice betrayed her.

"No, I'm not busy."

Serena relaxed her shoulders and the hardened expression fell from her face. Replaced by one of mixed emotions.

"Hi." She said softly.

"Hi." Heero said back. "Is everything alright?" Something bothered him about her appearance. She looked nervous, scared even. Serena shook her head.

"I'm not sure." Warning bells sounded in Heero's head.

"Are you in trouble?" He questioned her.

"I'm fine, I'm not in any danger." Serena closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, her deep blue orbs were filled with sadness. "Ever since we spoke, I've been having a hard time dealing with it." Heero took a moment to examine the background behind her. The absence of J made him question her.

"Does J know you're speaking to me?" Heero asked.

"No, but I'm sure he'll find out later when he checks his logs. I didn't bother to hide this call from him."

Heero thought over her words for a moment before nodding his head. "Alright, then what do you mean by your earlier statement?"

"These," Serena picked up a folder, holding it up for him to see. "Don't tell me anything. There's pieces missing from these files and I want to know the what those missing pieces are. _You_ ," she pointed a finger at him, "weren't in any of these flies, so what else isn't J telling me?"

"What do the files say?" Heero knew if Serena was willing to talk, he needed to do everything he could to supply her with the information she was seeking.

"They're about a life of someone who spent their days living in isolation."

"Are they mainly training logs?" Heero asked.

"Yes… how do you know that?"

"J trained me as well, before you were created." Heero hated using the word, but it wasn't entirely inaccurate. He watched as Serena processed the information.

"So you know how J operates." Heero nodded his head. "Either way, it still doesn't help me understand what's missing from my files."

"I can try and help fill in the gaps."

"How much do _you_ know about me?"

"Enough to answer your questions." Heero said. Without warning, Serena's eyes tightened. Almost as if she was concentrating on something. Or rather someone.

"I know you, but I can't _remember_ you." Heero felt his eyes widen. In some deep memory that was locked away, she was able to find _something_. "If I could only…" Serena trailed off. Her face quickly falling into a frown. "If I could just remember. I know you, I can feel it. I know all about you, but I can't place any of it..."

Heero saw the silent tear roll down her cheek. Her demeanor cracking. She had been putting on a mask for his sake.

"Serena." He said softly. "You'll remember, it's just going to take some time."

"I'm lost, confused and scared." She admitted. Her eyes holding unshed tears. "I don't know where I belong." She had spoken those words to him only months ago. "It's not here though… but if not here, then where?"

"It's okay." Heero tried to reassure her. "What if I tell you about myself first? Will that help?"

"It don't see how it could hurt. Worse case I won't remember… like everything else." Serena frowned as she wiped away another stray tear.

Heero sighed to himself. Not only did he feel useless being so far away, but in some way, he felt downright stupid for having to tell someone about himself. It was evident that Serena was hurting and it only proved to him that she needed _someone_ she could trust. She had gone from being a threat to something he wasn't sure he could admit to just yet. For him, she had just as much of a right to live as he did. It had taken some time for him to fully realize the mistakes he had made. While he didn't regret showing her that _he_ was the one in charge, his mistake was not listening to her. Not seeing things through her eyes and that she had truly only wanted to help. This time however, he wasn't planning on making the same mistake again.

He was given a second chance and he wasn't going to waste it.

They had spent the next hour talking about everything and anything Heero could think of. He had kept his information about himself to the the bare basics. He gave her a brief run down of his time with J and what his role was in the wars. She had commented slightly on it, but she hadn't known anything about the Gundams. Which only made Heero wonder what J _wasn't_ telling her. She had only known what she had read from public records. Heero had laughed after she had informed him. Earning him a nasty glare from her. He had quickly recovered, explaining that any information that was made public wasn't the _truth_. He promised to tell her more at a later date before changing the topic. He knew he couldn't keep her on the line for hours. Someone would come looking for either of them at some point.

"So Trowa was pilot zero-three?" Serena asked with an odd expression.

"Yes, he piloted the Gundam Heavyarms." Heero continued to watch Serena carefully.

"That name…" Serena trailed off, turning her head away from the screen. "That's not his real name." Serena stated matter-of-factly. "He took it, just like you took yours."

Heero started at Serena. He hadn't mentioned anything about how Trowa had acquired his name.

Shaking her head, she smiled at him. "Trowa Barton was the son of Dekim Barton. He was assassinated before Operation Meteor was able to take place. A no-name pilot stepped in to take his place." Her smile widened. "The Trowa Barton you know is an imposter, but a very good imposter."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't." Serena shrugged. "But I know it's true. Just like I know you, but I can't remember you." Her small smile once again betraying her true feelings. "Will I ever?"

"I don't know." Heero answered honestly. "There's a possibility you may not regain your memories, but there's one last options-"

"What?" Serena cut him off.

"It's a huge risk, and even if we try it, it may not work."

"What is this 'last option?'" Serena's face hardened.

"The ZERO system." Heero wasn't sure if he would regret telling her the truth later on.

"What can it do?"

"It could jog your memory. But if your body and mind aren't ready to handle it, it'll only end up doing more harm than good. It's a huge risk Serena-"

"Convince him."

"What?"

"Convince J." Serena said. "Heero, I can't live like this." Her eyes pleading with him. "This isn't me, I know it, but I don't know who I am. I need to know. Please, Heero… help me."

Heero sat silently for a few minutes. Serena patiently awaiting his answer.

"Give me a week." Heero said with conviction. "I'll be there in one week."

"One week?"

"One week." Heero echoed, nodding his head.

* * *

 _A/N_

 _Happy Friday!_

 _No I am not dead! My life has just been, to put it honestly, stressful, shitty, f everything. It's been a rough year and my muse just hasn't been there. But someone has sparked once again in me and I will_ _continue_ _to go with it!_ _I don't know where things will go with this story, but for now I'm just gonna edit and post what I have. I'm sure more will come to me and that I'll be able to_ _deliver_ _an awesome story._ _With that being said, I'm going to go back to editing and maybe in a few days I might have another chapter? I can't make any promises and I do_ _apologize_ _for my_ _absences_ _. Please understand that my family is going through a very difficult time. My MIL was_ _diagnosed_ _with cancer this year and we just got hit with another bump in the road this month. As much as I've wanted to put my time and effort into my writing, other things have had to come first. But I'm not giving up. So please just hang tight!_

 _Until next time and lots of love!_

 _-MM_


	8. Destination: L1

**Chapter Seven**

 **Destination: L1**

One week, that's what he had promised her. Heero needed the time to make arrangements, and while he had to go against J's order to not tell anyone - not like he was ever going to continue to take orders from the man - he needed to inform Une of what was happening. To her credit, she had helped him arranged protection for Relena, but also had arranged his flight to L1. Under the guise he was heading out of town for a work-related issue.

Heero had told Une everything he knew, and what he planned to do after arriving on L1. The goal was to bring Serena back to Earth, but if she choose to stay in space, there wasn't anything more they could do. Une didn't want Serena pushed into a corner, one she'd ultimately run away from. She had reminded him before he left to _not_ insist that Serena return with him.

"I mean it, Yuy." Une scolded him. "If her memory returns, it is _her_ decision to return with you."

"Yeah, I know."

"Do you?" Une placed a hand on her hip. "She's free to do as she pleases. While ideally having her on Earth is better for everyone, she needs to be willing to come. With what I know about her, she hasn't had the luxury of having control over her own life. I want her to have that opportunity."

"I know." Heero growled. "I'll handle it, but I need to go. She's expecting me to arrive in a few hours."

"I expect you to keep me updated on her status, is that clear?"

"Yeah." Heero had turned away from his Commander, walking towards his private shuttle. Hoping when it returned to Earth there would be two occupants, rather than one.

Heero's flight had been uneventful. Arriving on L1 hadn't been an issue, and even getting his rental had been too easy. He half-expected there to be some issue, delaying his arrival to J's lab. As he pulled up the building he reminded himself of his mission. Regardless of what others thought, he needed to get Serena back to Earth. She wasn't safe here, not by a long shot. Heero had no knowledge of how many people knew where J's lab was… or worse, that Serena was being kept there. There was always the possibility that _others_ were looking for her.

* * *

Slinging his duffle bag over his shoulder, Heero made his way down the barely lit hallway to a set of stairs. He would've taken the elevator, but it wasn't working. After pressing the button a few times, he wondered if J had deactivated it for some reason. But remember his last trip to the lab, he knew the stairwell would take him all the way down, but he'd need to get off on the bottom floor and head to another room to be able to access the lab itself.

As he made his way through the stairwell, he noticed security cameras on almost every landing. The blinking light gave away their position, but he didn't pay them much attention. It was clear by now that he was inside the building and making his way to the lab. But as always, he kept his pistol on him.

Hitting the last landing, he pushed through the single door that opened up to another corridor. At the very end of the hallway, J stood waiting for him. A grin formed on his lips the closer Heero got to him.

"I've been expecting you," J said, adjusting his cane. "I apologize for the elevator being out of service. I'll make sure to have it up and running for when you leave."

"It's fine," Heero grunted. "You should really change the security cameras, they're too noticeable."

"Those old things? They barely work, and besides no one ever comes down here." J lifted his claw-like-hand. "Now why don't we head to the lab. She's been waiting for you."

Heero wasn't thrilled with the remark that the cameras barely worked. Especially if Serena was staying there. But then again, J could be lying to him. He probably had some kind of protocol in place for if someone broke into the building. Following J, they made way through one of the doors on the floor. The building had once been an office building, possibly pre-war; desks still occupied some of the rooms, but from their placement and the thick layer of dust that had accumulated over the years, no one would think twice that someone was staying there.

To the far right corner off the large office space sat a single door. J stopped, pushing a few dust covered folders to the side. Behind them was a control panel. Using his good hand, J flipped up the cover, pressing a few keys. Heero heard a _bell_ sound ring from the door. J closed the cover, moved the folders back into their spot and proceeded through the now unlocked door.

Following J, Heero's eyes scanned the lab, searching for her.

"I'm sure she's around here somewhere," J said as he walked over to his desk. The lab was completely empty other than themselves. Serena was nowhere in sight. "You can put your things down over here for now. I'll have Serena take you to your room," J said as he sat down at his computer.

"Where would she be?" Heero asked as he set down his duffle bag, still scanning the lab for any sign of her.

"Could be anywhere," J said as he resumed whatever he had been doing before Heero's arrival.

Heero turned hardened eyes to J. "I asked _you_ where-"

"Heero?"

Heero spun himself around at the mention of his name. Serena stood, mere feet away staring at him, a questionable look on her face. Heero's eyes quickly scanned her for any signs of distress. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail, she wore a dark navy sweatshirt and jeans. Everything seemed normal; she looked healthy, no dark circles under her eyes, and he thought maybe he saw a hint of makeup on her face.

"Heero?" she said again, this time a with an edge of concern to her voice.

"Yeah." Heero cleared his throat, trying to recover himself. Then he was at a loss for words. He hadn't even thought about what he would say when he saw her in person for the first time in five months. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but she'd never understand any of it. Even when they spoke the week prior… he owed her an apology.

Heero's thoughts stopped as he noticed the corner of her lips turning up.

"Hi," she said, taking a few steps towards him. "Let me show you to your room."

Heero nodded his acceptance. Picking up his bag, he eyed J who didn't seem to be paying them any attention. Heero tried not to question it; instead he took this as an opportunity to speak to Serena one-on-one, without J eavesdropping on them.

Serena took him down another hallway, just off of the main area of the lab. She pointed out a tiny kitchen, the bathroom and a small storage closet. As they neared the end of the hallway she showed him his room, informing him that hers was right across the hall.

"It's not huge, but it's better than nothing " Serena said as she opened the door, flipping the light on. The room was tiny to say the least. It looked more like a closet that had been converted. "Like I said, it's not huge. My room is the same, but at least you have some privacy."

"It's fine," Heero said as he set his duffle bag down on the cot that he would be calling his bed for the time he'd be staying there. Heero looked around the room, even if there wasn't much to look at. The white walls left little to be desired, and with no windows, Heero wondered how Serena had been handling living here… but it wasn't much different than what he had experienced when he had been with J.

Turning back to face her, he found her leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest with a serious look on her face. Heero eyed her carefully again, checking for anything that would indicate how she was feeling, or what she was thinking. The stone mask that fell over her face gave nothing away. He wasn't sure if she was just irritated with him, or if there was something more going on. She had been grateful that he was coming, but the last conversation they had had was a few days ago. Did something change in that time period? And if so, why hadn't she told him?

"Are you just going to stare at me, or are you going to say something?"

"Huh?" Heero was so lost in his own thoughts. If she wasn't irritated with him before, she probably was now. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Serena uncrossed her arms, letting them fall to her sides. "I'll let you get settled-"

Not letting the opportunity slip by him, Heero shot his hand out, grabbing her arm. Pulling her into the room, he closed the door behind them. Whatever was going on with her, he wanted to find out. Not to mention he wasn't sure he'd get the chance to talk to her without J being around.

"What the hell was that about!?"

"I wanted to speak with you _."_

"You could've just said so instead of pulling me in here!" Heero tried not to roll his eyes at her. She was glaring daggers at him.

"Sit," he told her as he moved to sit on the bed. To his surprise Serena sat down without so much as a word. But she quickly crossed her arms over her chest. "I wanted to see how you were doing. I know we haven't talked in a few days."

"I'm fine," Serena said flatly. "Nothing new has happened."

"No new memories?"

"No." Serena turned her head to face him. "Same emptiness as before..." Heero sighed, not sure what to say to her.

"J's treating you-"

"Ugh, stop, seriously. He doesn't do _anything_ to me, for the last time. No one does. In fact the people who do show up here usually hide from me. They hate working with me and even if I'm nice, they still run and hide." Serena looked at him pointedly. "What did I do to these people to make them so afraid of me? I had to beg them to help me move the piano out of one of the storage rooms. They're all nice guys… just wish they weren't so afraid of me."

"They're afraid because of who you are."

"And who's that!?" Serena threw her hands up in the air. "I don't even fucking know _who_ I am."

"Serena..." Heero paused, trying to find the right words. "I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just saying they probably remember what you were like before, that's all."

"I know, and sorry for getting upset. It's just hard…"

"I know," Heero echoed.

They both fell silent, neither really knowing what to say. While their chats hadn't been long, the longest being the first time she had video called him, she kept things brief, asking questions or discussing something; other than that, she wouldn't say much. Maybe he was overthinking things. He hadn't fully considered that maybe it was something else. Was she nervous about everything? Or was she…

"J doesn't think we should move forward with this plan." Serena spoke, interrupting his thoughts.

"Why?" Heero glanced at her. Her hands were folded in her lap.

"The headaches I get. He thinks this will fuck me over more than I already am," Serena groaned. "I'm already a mess, what's the worst that could happen? I don't remember?" She turned sad eyes to him. "I just want to know who I am."

Heero stared at her for a few moments. She was finally showing him how she was truly feeling. Lost, defeated, the list could go on. She was just _miserable_. Heero wanted to say something, but what could he say? That everything was going to be fine? That by using the ZERO System would make everything better? He didn't have the answers to those questions. There was no way to know that any of this was going to work.

After a while Heero suggested something he hadn't done with her. He had played around with the idea, but maybe it was worth a shot.

"Want to see some photos?"

"Photos?"

"Hang on, let me show you." Heero rummaged through his duffle bag, pulling out his laptop. Booting it up, he entered his password. Once logged in he moved quickly, locating a folder filled with photos. "Here," Heero said, holding his laptop out to her. Serena moved closer, taking it from him.

"Who are all these people?" Quirking an eyebrow, she stared at the screen.

"All the people we've talked about. Maybe by seeing their faces you'll remember something." Serena clicked on the first photo, examining it for a while before moving onto the next.

"She's pretty," Serena commented.

"That's Relena."

"That's Relena?" Serena repeated his words. Heero waited a moment, hoping she'd say more. When she shook her head, Heero felt the frown form on his face. "She's very pretty, Heero. Her eyes shine and even in this photo you can see so much of her soul." Serena smiled softly before tapping on the next photo. She hadn't recognized Duo, Wufei, Sally, or even Quatre. Heero had told her each of their names, hoping something would click, but she just continued on, until she got to Trowa's photo. Her hand froze over the touchpad.

"It's him…" she whispered. Heero could see her eyes scanning the screen, her face leaning closer to it. "Who is this?" Serena asked, her eyes never leaving the screen.

"That's Trowa…" Heero said slowly.

"Trowa," Serena repeated, testing the name. "I know him." Serena swung her head to face look at him. "I dream about him; this is the guy I keep seeing." For a brief moment there was hope in her eyes. "It looks just like him... how do I know him?"

Heero was startled at the admission she made. She hadn't informed him that she was dreaming about anyone. Thinking over his words, he answered her as best as he could.

"You spent most of your time with him."

"That doesn't tell me-"

Suddenly Serena's hand shot up to her head. Heero quickly grabbed his laptop from her, placing it down next to him.

"Serena, are you okay?"

"Yeah, just… a headache."

Heero stood, grabbing her arm and helping her to her feet. "You should lie down." Serena nodded her head. Heero helped guide her forward and across the hallway into her room. She wasn't lying when she said the rooms were the same. They barely made it to her bed when she pressed both her hands against her head.

"Seren-"

"I'm fine." Serena growled, opening her eyes enough to look at him, "I just need to lie down for a while. I'll be fine." Heero frowned but helped her into her bed. Once she was settled he left her room, closing the door behind him. He stood outside the door, listening for any indication that Serena was in more pain than she let on.

"You tried pushing her," J stated from behind him. "I warned you not to."

"How else are we supposed to know if she'll recover if we don't try?" Heero spun around to face him.

"We don't, but as you can clearly see, it causes her to have severe headaches."

"She's still in there. She remembers-"

"Are you sure? Or are you being hopeful that she remembers?" J cut him off. "Do you truly want her to remember her past that badly? Maybe you should take the night to think about all of this. Is it truly worth putting her through the ZERO system?"

"She deserves the right to know who she is!" Heero balled his hands at his sides.

"But is the risk worth the reward? It's something you need to think about, and I truly mean that. You've seen that she is alive and well, but is her wellbeing worth what could potentially happen to her if we allow her to use the ZERO system? All the progress she's made could be hindered by it."

"I understand that, but what about what _she_ wants? She wants to remember, to know who she is and by not letting her, you're only hurting her."

"That may be," J said, his claw hand coming up to his face, the metal fingers clicking together. "But the ZERO system will do far more damage than I ever could."

* * *

 _A/N_

 _I'm back!_

 _I know I've been gone for some time now, but I am still alive. If you're confused as to what's going on, we're still in this damn flashback scene... that keeps going on and on. BUT FEAR NOT! It'll be over with in the next chapter. Words have come to me and well... so haven't a whole lot of ideas. Things are going to start picking up and well... I can promise that this story is going places. I have so many crazy ideas for this story. I'm over the moon and so excited to be back in the FF world, and just writing in general!_

 _I would like to thank two amazing ladies, not just for their encouragement, but for all the support they've given me time and time again. I love you ladies more than words could describe! Thank you Relena for President for proof reading this chapter for me! Thank you Scarlet Eve for helping me to describe things that I can't seem to figure out lol. You guys are the best!_

 _Until next time... (which won't be that long, I promise!)_

 _MM_


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